Babbling Brewer

Our world will be purple and butterflies....

2011-07-13T22:14:00.002-04:00

That't right. On our appointment on Monday, we found out that Baby Brewer is a girl. So we are looking forward to and planning for Isabella Grace's arrival in December. We're all registered at Babies 'R' Us. I have a great patient husband who goes with me whenever I ask. I applaud him. I'm having so much fun picking out baby girl stuff and I'm ready for December to get here.

Doctors are monitoring me closely. As of my visit on Monday I see the high-risk specialist every week. I appreciate them watching me so closely.

We are thanking God for our sweet Bella already! Can't wait til December to post her first pictures!

Blessings...

2011-07-09T21:40:00.002-04:00

I've had a post I've been meaning to write for some time. After some recent encouragement I know it is time to take up the pen... or in this case... get back to typing.

I last wrote almost two months ago sharing our good news that Matt and I are pregnant. As of Monday I will be 17 weeks and all is going well. The doctors are very pleased with my progress and are expecting a normal pregnancy. Of course this pregnancy has caused me to reminisce about the boys. Its only natural and I have a lot of thoughts I need to write but one is at the forefront of my mind... the one I have been meaning to post for quite some time.

If you listen to Christian radio at all I'm sure you've heard Laura Story's newest number one single, Blessings. The first time I heard that song, God spoke to me and I knew while Laura may have written it about her trials, God was using it to speak to me.

If you've ever suffered the death of a child you know the awkward moment when someone asks "How many children do you have?" or "Is this your first pregnancy?" and in a few brief moments you have to decide how to answer it. I always find my self evaluating the person. I consider if I'll ever meet the person again or if the person seems compassionate. Either way I usually tell them its not my first and I have children who are just not on this earth anymore. I can't bear saying, "This is our first" knowing I have two sweet boys and two other babies in Heaven with the Father. Sometimes people know what to say and other times the situation only gets more awkward.

But, the thing that bothers me the most is when I tell someone about the boys and their immediate response is "I'm sorry." I'm not. Sure, I miss my boys. There are days when I cry and grieve and that's the way it'll be for the rest of my earthly life. But am I sorry? No. I have babies who are already in the presence of the Heavenly Father. They are enjoying His presence and that is far more than I could have given them. Matt and I love them and miss them but I'm not sorry. They were two of the biggest blessings in our lives. I will never forget holding those tiny babies and looking at God's creation. The weeks that followed were the hardest in our lives and the blessing in it all is that God used those precious babies and their short lives to make mine and Matt's marriage stronger than I could have ever imagined. I remembered reading that the death of a child either tears spouses apart or solidifies their marriage. I am so grateful that for us it was the latter. God used our babies to build our trust in one another and in God. We had moments of anger and frustration but ultimately God taught us that our children are safe with Him.

I look forward to telling Baby Brewer about J.J. and Jordan and how God used them in our family's lives.

Back to the song I mentioned earlier... there is one line that I think we should all think about when facing trials. We must look at the bigger picture.

"What if the trials of this life are your blessings in disguise?"

The death of our sweet boys was definitely life's toughest trial (thus far) but was most definitely a blessing in disguise.

- cb

Big news....

2011-05-17T23:49:00.002-04:00

I've been meaning to update but have been sidetracked here lately. Matt and I were able to announce some big news a couple of weeks ago. We found out in April that I am pregnant! As of yesterday I am 9 weeks pregnant. We've had three ultrasounds so far and everything is looking great. So far, this pregnancy has been very different from the others. I stay pretty sick most of the time. I'm not throwing up but I have that horrible nauseous feeling most of the day. My hormones are also pretty out of control. My doctor seems to think that most of this will even out after the first trimester. Let's hope so. I go back to the doctor on June 9th and will have another ultrasound and will be scheduled for a cerclage. I'll keep you updated. We appreciate your prayers! :-)

A day in the life

2011-03-26T19:04:00.001-04:00

Me: Thank you for calling today. My name is Crystal. May I have your name please?
Customer: Derrick
Me: How are you today, Derrick?
Customer: I'm hungover but ok. You?
Me: **chuckling** I'm ok. Sounds like you had a good time last night.
Customer: I always have a good time. I'm a legend....well I am in my head if no one else's.
Me: ok. What can I help you with today?
Customer: I need to change my address. I moved to Las Vegas.
Me: wow. That's a big move. Sounds fun.
Customer: you know the saying "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"?
Me: yeh
Customer: it isn't true. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas except for herpes.....that goes home with you.

Seriously what was I supposed to say after that? I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Location:Brookfield Pkwy,Greenville,United States

Getting back in the swing of things....

2011-03-23T20:32:00.001-04:00

I really need to keep up with my blog. I've been making some changes and I'm really excited about them.

I'm enrolling as a student at Greenville Tech and I'm really looking forward to entering the surgical technology program at tech. If everything goes according to their schedule I'll be done with the program in 15 months.

A couple of days someone came across my blog and the previous post was a great encouragement to them. They left a nice comment and it reminded me that God has provided me with the tools and abilities to write (which is therapy for me) and in the process hopefully brighten someone else's day. So I'm making a goal for myself to start back to writing by writing at least one entry per month and then becoming more frequent. It's all about discipline. You can hold me accountable if you'd like. If you notice I haven't posted in several days leave me a comment.

I have a list of topics I'm hoping to cover here and slowly we'll get to them all.

I have another request of you (if you're in the Greenville area).

Mine and Matt's schedules make it hard to get up and to church on Sunday mornings. Is anyone aware of any afternoon Sunday services in the area?

Looking forward to writing more often,
cb

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Provence St,Greenville,United States

Such an inspiration.....

2010-12-21T12:53:00.002-05:00

If you're looking for something to lift your spirits or maybe are feeling down today... I strongly recommend you visit the link I'm about to share and check out this woman's story! She's a living testimony that God performs miracles and thank God she gives him the glory! You can also visit her blog and read about her progress and more of her testimony. CNN doesn't doesn't include anything really related to her faith but she's certainly open about it on her website. Her story gives me chills. We serve an awesome God!

Publish Post

Its been way too long...

2010-12-08T04:22:00.003-05:00

Its been more than a year since my last post. I moved briefly to wordpress but the relationship just didn't work out. Ha. So I've come back home. I couldn't leave my old blog.. its too comfortable like pajamas and a too big t-shirt. It feels good. So here I am back to write for whoever chooses to read.

I thought about maybe trying to catch you up on what has transpired since last June but in all honesty there hasn't been much to report. I now work in customer service in the wireless industry. Matt is still with Wal-Mart. The church plant that we were a part of for a few years dissolved. God's providence is always perfect and leading up to that Matt and I had felt God leading us to a church closer to home (completely unaware of the elders' decision to dissolve the fellowship). We prayed and the morning we were prepared to let the elders know we'd be leaving and Matt would not lead worship anymore was the exact morning they announced that the fellowship would dissolve. Matt and I sat with jaws dropped. We should never be surprised that our God's timing is perfect but we were. We have since found a church home in Greenville at Grace Church and couldn't be happier.

December 1st came and Matt and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. We celebrated with Olive Garden and Harry Potter. It was a great evening. We had a vase at our wedding where our friends could drop notes. We read the notes on our first anniversary and have continued the tradition of reading them each year.

Here comes the hard part.... December is a hard month for both Matt and myself. Our anniversary is a joyous occasion but it is also a very hard month. This month would have been our boys, J.J. and Jordan's second birthday. This year has been harder than the last. I remember learning in classes in college that after a loss of this magnitude the first two years are spent numb to what is going on around and that around two years is when reality sets in and we truly began to heal. I'm leaning this is true. Dealing with the loss of a child is something I wish no one would have to experience but it happens. I praise God and am grateful that He gave me peace in the weeks following their death. I pray that He will give me that peace again as their birthday draws near.

Each year on their birthday Matt and I have committed to take receiving blankets to the hospital to go into the grief closet. Its a closet in the NICU for babies who pass away. The hospital does not furnish the supplies in the closet. It is furnished solely by donations. My prayer would be that the blankets never have to be used but the grim reality is that those we took last year are long gone. I know from experience that something as simple as a blanket can become a treasured keepsake and I am glad we have chosen to remember our boys in this way. If you would like to donate please leave me a comment and I'll get in touch with you.

Thanks for reading.

Geez

2009-06-27T10:56:00.003-04:00

It has been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time since I've blogged. Oops. I guess it just got away from me and I didn't really realize how long it had been.

Let's see what my update should say:

I don't really remember much about March. In April Matt and I went to Destin, Florida with family for a week. It was so much fun and definitely the break we needed from all the "stuff" we've dealt with over the last year and a half. It was good to see family that we don't normally get to see that often and to see them for more than one day. Usually its just Christmas day which is never enough time to catch up.

We came back from Destin with a vacation baby. Yep, I came back pregnant. We found out because I also came back from Destin super sick. Turns out I needed my gallbladder removed. I went for my pre-op appointment and they called to let me know my surgery was canceled because I was pregnant. (Note: this was on April 17th, the same day J.J. and Jordan were due) I had been so nervous about how I'd feel on April 17th but the Lord blessed us with another baby that day and it became a very bittersweet day. Sadly on April 30th, I miscarried. We still trust that God has a plan for our family and we grieved the lost but trust that He is soverign.

Miscarrying allowed me to have my gallbladder out on May 11th. I was nervous going into surgery but it turned out to the be the easiest surgery I have had. I had surgery on Monday and by Thursday I felt "back to normal."

Once I was better from surgery, my job search continued. I applied at so many places and yet was getting so few phone calls. It was hard during that time to trust God's plan because I knew my unemployment was quickly running out.

God is gracious and about a week and a half ago a good friend from college called to tell me about a lady at his church who needed to fill a spot in the office at her pest control company and needed to fill it quickly. Long story short: my unemployment ran out on Sunday, June 21st, and I started my new job at Carolina Pest Control on Monday, June 22nd. God is sneaky huh?

I am loving my new job and the folks I work with. One other lady and I are responsible for the scheduling and billing and lots of other "stuff." It keeps us busy. :-) Thanks so much for those of you who were praying for my employment issues. God showed He had a plan in His perfect timing.

Matt is still working his weird hours and this is making it difficult to see one another but we'll get that worked out somehow.

Church is going well. Matt does such a great job leading music and we love our family there so much!

We are looking forward to July 4th. Each year we spend it up in the mountains with friends from North Greenville.

Mom and dad's house still hasn't sold so keep praying.

I suppose that is all for now. I'll try to get back in the habit.

Later.

I Love My Husband!

2009-03-15T16:57:00.001-04:00

Every first and third Sunday our church observes the Lord's Supper. It is a great time of spiritual reflection and a time to examine our hearts. There is one thing that always makes it special for me. You may or may not know that Matt is the worship leader at church. Well during the Lord's Supper he also helps Keith by holding the juice when Keith administers the elements. Its the moment when I go up front and face Keith and Matt that I am grateful for a God-fearing husband. Some women marry men who don't treat them well or who take advantage of them or are abusive... the list goes on. But I have an amazing husband who desires to be the spiritual leader in our home and who delights in serving in our church and he takes both these responsibilities very seriously. I'm so grateful that God blessed me with him and that he loves me the way he does. Thank you Matt!

Golf and God

2009-03-10T02:59:00.002-04:00

Matt and I played golf today... I played 9 and he played a full 18. As the round was finishing this is what God had in store for us... enjoy.

cb

I went to sleep....

2009-03-01T18:12:00.002-05:00

and this is what I woke up to.

Too cute picture

2009-02-27T13:17:00.004-05:00

Matt went out of town yesterday. He is in the southern part of the state playing golf with his dad. I'm missing him but I think Nacho is missing him even more. We took this picture the night before he left when he was packing.

Daddy, can I go?

cb

The first of a few songs...

2009-02-26T13:17:00.002-05:00

I first saw this video when I was visiting a blog I check regularly. The woman in the video, Jill McCloghry is one of the worship leaders with Hillsong. I won't share much of her story because you need to watch the video and listen to her share her own story. When you watch you'll immediately understand why this video ministered to me. She struggled with many of the same things I have. One of the key lines for me was when she mentions she chose to worship. It is our responsibility to worship whether we feel like it or not. We don't worship because we want to. We worship because we serve an almighty sovereign God who deserves it.

Check out the video and I'd love to hear what you think.

cb

Here we go...

2009-02-26T04:41:00.000-05:00

Well.... it's been a while; a while since I had a meaningful post. I don't mean the kind where I tell you about my weekend... you probably don't really care when it comes down to it. I mean the kind of post where I share my heart... what's really going on.

The last few months have been hard. This past Sunday was just nine weeks since I had the boys. It seems like that was an eternity ago. The first couple of weeks after delivery were hard... as would be expected. Then for a few weeks there in the middle I was doing really well. Now I find myself having some really crummy days... I think mostly because my due date is quickly approaching. I'm both dreading and looking forward to April 17th. Dreading it because I know the day will bring lots of sadness and sorrow. It'll be a day where Matt and I will both think about the fact that we should have a nursery with two sweet little boys in it but we don't. I'm looking forward to the day because I'm hoping that after it passes, I'll be able to have some sense of closure. Until it gets here, I'm constantly thinking, right now I would be 32 weeks or... 36 weeks pregnant. Or, if i see someone else pregnant, I compare them to where I should be if I were still pregnant.

Grieving is hard. For me, this is by far the hardest thing I've dealt with. I think Matt would agree and it has been hard for our marriage. Our marriage is strong and I'm grateful that God has used this to bring us closer to one another and closer to Him as a couple. Still, grieving is hard. No parent ever expects to lose a child, much less two on the same day. Matt and I had plans and hopes and dreams for J.J. and Jordan and all too soon all of that ended and instead we find ourselves trying to plan a memorial service.

For a few weeks after delivery, I didn't want to pick up my Bible and I didn't want to go to church. I was just too angry at God. I know that the boys are in heaven... I know that but I still get angry because I miss them, I want them here. I know I'll see them again but its a lifetime away. In the big picture, I'll see them in the blink of an eye but its hard to see the big picture when a big piece of your heart is missing.

Lately I've been digging into Scripture and different books about all sorts of things. Immediately after delivery, Matt and I read through Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt. It was a huge source of comfort in the weeks following delivery. It was actually given to us at the hospital. A couple in the upstate has a ministry where they work with the hospitals, donate the books, and upon the loss of a child, the hospital gives the book to the parents. What a way to turn their loss (they lost a little boy who was stillborn) into a tremendous blessing to others?! Then I started Holding on to Hope by Nancy Guthrie. This one I'm still working on and really enjoying. Nancy lost two children to a rare genetic disorder. First was a little girl named Hope. She lived about 6 months. Nancy and her husband then took the proper precautions so that they didn't get pregnant again but as she was writing the book, she found out she was pregnant again and their little boy, Gabriel, also had the genetic disorder. He also lived about 6 months. Her book is all about suffering and where we can find hope during it, how to deal with the suffering and how to see God in the suffering. It also has an 8-week book study on the book of Job.

And the last book I'm reading is R.C. Sproul's Chosen by God. This one is basically covering the doctrine of predestination. Now, this is a tough... tough... doctrine to understand and by no means can I wrap my brain around it. I understand what it means but its the way that it affects everything else that can make it seem so complicated. For instance... I have to accept that J.J. and Jordan were predestined long ago that they would die on December 21, 2008. Do I like that? No. Do I need to accept that? Yes. Why? Because a loving God planned it that way and He sees the big picture that I can't. He has a purpose and a plan for all of this. I may not understand it all til I get to heaven but I need to trust His plan.

Several songs have also ministered to my heart in the last nine weeks.

I say all of this because I want to get back into blogging and instead of making this post much longer than it already is... I'm just gonna share nuggets of knowledge that I'm gleaning from the books and songs I've metntioned. Maybe I'll share a quote or two a day but over the next few weeks I'll be posting the things I'm reading and learning and maybe it'll minster to you in some way with something you may be facing.

With all that being said, its 4:40 am and I should probably try to sleep at some point.

cb

2009-02-06T20:58:00.001-05:00

Ok so I'm sucking at blogging. I know. I just don't seem to find time to update. Lately, I haven't found time to do much of anything except clean. It sounds like its no fun but I'm getting so much done and getting rid of stuff which is key. I'll get back to blogging at some point.

2009-01-30T18:28:00.003-05:00

i'm posting just a few photos... nothing great... they're ok

2009-01-29T21:18:00.002-05:00

Today has been a really good day. I spent my afternoon walking around downtown taking pictures. It was nice and sunny outside... a really good day for taking pictures. I started off towards Springwood Cemetery downtown and on my way back to the car got sidetracked and took some pictures of the Greek Orthodox church. I've downloaded a trial of Photoshop Elements. I'm curious to see if I like it. I love Photoshop but I've never tried Elements. It's sort of like the teaser version of Photoshop. Maybe I'll post some of the photos after I edit them... I don't know. I'm one of those folks who won't post photos if I'm not 110% happy with them.

I really enjoyed walking around the cemetery. I love photographing cemeteries. I always have. I had no clue there are 80 unknown soldiers buried in Greenville. They were soldiers from the Confederate States of America. Springwood is an OLD cemetery. One of the interesting things about old cemeteries is they often serve as reminders of the brevity of life. Losing babies is nowhere near as common today as it was then. There were so many small headstones for babies 2 years and under. Some lived more than a year. Some lived two days. Another thing is enjoy about the cemeteries is reading the headstones. I, personally, don't think as much is put into headstones these days as back then. Today you see a name and two dates and thats it. Back then folks still wrote epitaphs. They wrote of people's faith, their love for their children or their spouse and what they believed in. It makes me think... what would my epitaph say? What will I be remembered for?

Fun Fellowship

2009-01-29T12:52:00.002-05:00

Today I had the privilege of hanging out and enjoying one of the most amazing women! I had so much fun and it renewed my spirit just to sit and talk about anything and everything... a lot about the boys. But she was so willing to listen and she offered me some much needed encouragement and some yummy coffee. I was able to walk away and say "Ok Lord you prompted me to e-mail her. I'm glad I did. That was just what I needed."

Cathy, thank you so much! Thanks for listening. I love your friendship and I look forward to spending more time together. :-)

cb

One of my many goals...

2009-01-21T21:23:00.003-05:00

is to lose as much weight as is possible before we try to get pregnant again. I need to be in better health. I am currently about 18 pounds less than my prepregnancy weight which is good. I started my exercise routine today which is a four-mile walk. Its a dvd and you don't just walk in place the whole time. Its a very aerobic workout. Anyways... pray for me as I tackle this and hopefully get the weight off.

I'll keep you updated.

cb

Our Babies

2009-01-20T23:34:00.002-05:00

I found this online and thought I'd post it... I had to change a few words for it to apply to two babies.

In a baby castle just beyond our eyes,
Our babies play with angel toys that money cannot buy.
Who are we, to wish that they had known this world of strife?
Now play on, our babies, you have eternal life!
At night when all is silent and sleep forsakes our eyes,
We’ll hear your tiny footsteps come running to our side.
Your little hands caress us so tenderly and sweet,
We’ll breathe a prayer and close our eyes
And embrace you in our sleep.
Feelings we will treasure, sometimes they’ll make us sad …
Because, our little babies, we are still your mom and dad.

2009-01-09T13:01:00.002-05:00

Ok so I'm here.

Christy... sorry there may be a delay on the pictures I promised. Maybe I'll at least post the living room so I'm not a horrible friend.

After I delivered our boys the hospital sent me home with prescription strength motrin and percocet. I never touched the percocet because pain medicines affect me so easily. I took the motrin pretty regularly in the beginning but about a week ago I decided to stop taking it. I knew prolonged use of ibuprofen can cause stomach bleeding. I had already had a stomach ache or two or five but I'd lay down and eventually I'd fall asleep. After a few of the stomach aches I began to notice that when I had them I also had pain in my upper back which just seemed to weird to me. Wednesday night I had one of these said stomach aches with back pain that was absolutely unbearable. So, I got online to do my homework. I was tempted to go to the ER but I thought surely I could suffer through it and go to our family doc when he opened. After my research I had concluded that I had a stomach ulcer. Between the ibuprofen and the stress I've been under it would have been easy to develop one. Now I also found a list of things you should stay away if you have an ulcer. The list included: milk, fruit juice, carbonated beverages, spicy food (and lots more). But on Wednesday I had consumed Diet Coke, a lot of grape juice, spicy taco bake for dinner, ice cream, and milk (if you know much about me you know that means like 3 or 4 cups of milk). So, lets just say I made my self-diagnosed stomach ulcer very very angry.

By 5:30 am I couldn't handle it any longer and I got dressed and went to the ER. I went in (no wait at the Village Hospital) and explained to the nice nurse my recent experience (2 weeks post partum, lots of ibuprofen), explained my self-diagnosis, and waited for a doctor. Two hours later (darn it for going in the middle of shift change) a nice doctor came around and (thank you very much) told me I had done good research and that my diagnosis was correct. So does this mean I don't have to pay you as much I wondered. They sent me home with an acid blocker, Nexium, and warned me to stay away from those things I shouldn't eat/drink that make the ulcer very angry.

So now I'm sitting here stomach growling because well quite honestly I don't know what to eat because I'm scared to eat. I waited until 7 pm to eat yesterday and then I had a grilled chicken sandwich on wheat. Maybe today I'll go for chicken noodle soup. yum.

cb

Cleaning

2009-01-03T16:57:00.002-05:00

Two posts ago I mentioned my preoccupation. I'm still VERY busy. I managed to get downstairs clean -- living room is good (we may even paint this weekend), cleaned up the dining room although I have to clean off the table, and the kitchen looks good (except I can't KEEP the island cleaned off... it catches clutter). For the first time since we moved in there is absolutely nothing laying on the stairs. So now I'm working on the upstairs. Bathroom is clean. Our bedroom is maybe 1/2 way done. I have a lot of "stuff" to go through and lots of mail to shred. Then its on to the man cave which is currently bombarded with Christmas decorations and its all sitting right in front of the door. So give me another week and I think I can have the house looking exactly the way I want. Then I need to week my flower beds and put new mulch out. I think I'm giving up on trying to get things to bloom. Ha.

So Christy, hopefully one of my next few posts will have you specifically in mind when I post pictures of the house. I know you've been asking for them for a year. I'll get there. Promise.

cb

You'll Be In My Heart

2008-12-31T21:18:00.003-05:00

I have always loved the movie "Tarzan." Every time I watch it I cry... never fails.

Grieving is a long process. I'm going pretty well but I have my moments. I was listening to my trusty ipod yesterday when I played "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins. Now, it wasn't the sappy music that made me almost gush but it was the thought behind some of the lyrics.

For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

Right now there is a hole in my heart left by two small little boys. I long to hold them again and to see them again but that will never happen (at least not on this side of heaven). The hole is left by losing them physically but they are very much a part of mine and Matt's lives. I'm confident that not a day will go by when I don't think of them and how good it was to be able to hold them at least once. They will always hold a very special place in my heart... even after we have other children. We will not forget them nor will we shy away from the chance to tell you about them.

Why can't they understand
The way we feel
They just don't trust
What they can't explain

No one understands what Matt and I are feeling. Even when someone goes through a similar situation, we all grieve differently, we react and respond to life's situations differently. Please remember when you know someone who is going through a difficult time to never ever say to them "I know how you feel or I know what you're going through." It never makes the person feel better. Chances are it makes them feel worse. If you must say something, just share your story (if they feel like listening) and say "I don't know how you're feeling but I'm here if you need something." (Before any of you start to wonder if you did this with me by accident, know that only once person dared to say "I know what you're feeling" and its no one who reads my blog.)

Most of our friends and family have accepted mine and Matt's beliefs. We have no doubts in where our little boys are now. We know our Heavenly Father is holding them close and caring for them now. We know our little boys did not suffer and that at the moment of their death, they were taken to heaven for eternity. There are a few out there who I am sure think this is crazy and they can't understand it. Without our faith and the comfort i knowing where our boys are and that we will see them again, I think I would have gone crazy by now.

Continue to pray for us as we heal. We appreciate it.

Preoccupation...

2008-12-27T15:51:00.002-05:00

I figured at some point I should enter the blogging world again. Today is the day although my post may be short. I won't know 'til I start writing.

First, I am incredibly grateful for the folks who have left comments on both mine and Matt's facebook pages as well as on the boys' guestbook at the funeral home's website. The thoughts and prayers that have been lifted up on our behalf have been a great source of comfort. I'll be honest. There are moments when I want to scream and I get really angry at God and then there are moments when I can feel the prayers and "the peace that passes all understanding" takes over. I know the road ahead is a long and hard one but we will face it. Matt is incredible in the way he encourages me and supports me. He is so faithful and holds fast to the promise that God has a plan for us. While we may never understand why God chose to take our little boys back home, we know that there is a greater purpose and God is working to bring glory to Himself. I pray I won't let the anger get in the way of that.

Matt and I will forever be grateful for the care I received from Spartanburg OB/GYN, Maternal Fetal Medicine, and Spartanburg Regional Hospital. There is nothing to criticize in the level of care and support given to us. Everyone was so sensitive to our needs and to making sure we understand what was going on. I am especially grateful for one of my delivery nurse's, Nancy. Without her sharing her experience when she lost one of her twins, we would not have changed our mind to see and hold our precious little boys. We are so happy that we did change our minds and that we saw just how perfect those little fellas were. At only 23 weeks gestation, they had perfect fingers, toes, lips, eyelashes... absolutely amazing.

We are currently reading a book together called Empty Arms. It was given to us when we left the hospital. A couple in the upstate has a ministry reaching out to those who have experienced losing a child. So far we are finding the book to be a source of encouragement and I recommend it to anyone who has experienced a loss. There is a chart a couple of chapters into the book that shows some of the differences in the way men and women grieve. One way women in particular grieve is by preoccupation which has definitely shown itself to be true in our case. Not that I'm not dealing with things or not grieving but that there are times when I need to keep busy. I'm back to cleaning and trying to sort through the things we've accumulated in the last year in our new house. For so long I was on bed rest and there were things I wanted to do but just couldn't so now is my chance. Slowly I'll get things the way I want and I'll feel good for having accomplished something.

Well, I think I'll stop here for now. I need to call Nintendo. The Wii is on the blink and I still have so much cleaning I want to do. I'll be writing again soon. Thanks for reading.

cb

Boys' Guestbook

2008-12-23T11:43:00.000-05:00

If you would like to view the boys' obituary and leave a message on their guestbook, please go to www.bpafuneralhome.com. Their names are listed under current visitations. We treasure all of your comments and they are a source of comfort during this time.

Crystal

J.J. and Jordan

2008-12-22T18:00:00.001-05:00

On December 21, 2008, heaven gained its two most precious residents. Jeremiah Jefferson, born at 4:18 pm, weighed 13 ounces and was 10 inches long and Jordan Isaiah, born at 4:49 pm, weighed 1 lb 4 ounces and was 11.5 inches long. These two little boys never had to take a breath on this evil earth but went straight to their Heavenly Father who is holding them, caring for them, and loving them until Matt and I are reunited with them at the end of our lives' journeys. While we are certainly grieving our loss and our hearts are broken, we are comforted by the fact that we know where our sweet little boys are. Their hearts will never hurt and they will never have to suffer. We are grateful for the time where we held them and saw just how perfect they were with perfectly developed fingers and toes, eyelashes and toenails. They were our precious little miracles. Matt and I have appreciated your thoughts and prayers over this last five-month journey and continue to need those through the grieving process which will take much longer.

Crystal

Update on the Babies

2008-12-08T13:03:00.001-05:00

I am so happy to report good news to you today. My ultrasound this morning revealed that Baby A's fluid (J.J.) is now equal to Baby B's fluid (Jordan). This is definitely an answer to prayers. His fluid has almost doubled in one week and now both fluid levels are completely normal. My cervix still measured about the same. The doctors are very happy with the way things are going and Matt and I are looking forward to the boys arriving when they should as opposed to coming early as was expected earlier in the pregnancy. Things have come a long way and we still have 15 weeks to go to full term. It doesn't seem that far away. Also, the doctors approved me to travel for Christmas which means Matt and I will be able to go to Atlanta to see his family. We are so happy about this since, unfortunately, we only see them once a year.

Thanks again to everyone for their thoughts and prayers. We look forward to continuing to pass along good reports.

Wishing everyone a happy Christmas,
Crystal

A little behind

2008-12-04T16:03:00.002-05:00

So I'm definitely behind on the popular Twilight craze. I saw the preview for the movie and had read on a blog or two about those anticipating its release but had never heard of it before then. So when Matt and I went out for our anniversary we decided to see Twilight. I love Vampire movies so I was ok with it. So we definitely both loved the movie. With that being said, since 9 pm last night I've read Twilight and have already started on New Moon. I've been sucked in.

cb

A wonderful Day

2008-12-01T23:16:00.001-05:00

Matt and I headed back to the doctor this morning and I am so happy to report that my cervix still looks great. The stitch is holding well. Also, Baby A's (J.J.'s) fluid has increased to about 2.5 cm which is now in the normal range. The babies are doing great and I can feel them move now. That started this week and is the neatest feeling, making it all more real that there are two little boys on their way to changing our lives forever.

Since things looked so good today, the doctors were willing to let me go out this evening so Matt and I could celebrate our first anniversary. Matt brought me two dozen roses. :-) We had a nice dinner and saw a movie. It was a great evening.

Thanks again for all your prayers. They are definitely working. God is so good.

Half way there!

2008-11-29T13:26:00.001-05:00

20 weeks pregnant yesterday woo hoo :-)

So excited!

2008-11-26T20:30:00.003-05:00

I am so excited right now! There are several reasons for this excitement:

We got a great report from the doctor yesterday.
Dad came today and is going to stay through the weekend.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we'll be here with my parents, Matt's mom and brother and another friend... lots of talk and laughter.
I've been watching basketball on TV the last two weeks. This is by far my favorite time of the year when the tv has a variety of college games to view, although I never miss a Duke game.
Monday is our next doctor's appointment and providing everything still looks good (and we pray it does) the doctors are going to let me go out for dinner to celebrate our first anniversary.
And finally, I'm watching the Orlando Magic. That means, I'm watching J. J. Reddick (my favorite Duke player) and also why we're calling J.J.... J.J.

All right, back to tv.

Goodnight

cb

A Quick Update

2008-11-25T23:04:00.000-05:00

Hello all,

I have a quick update for you. We saw the high risk specialist this morning and the stitch in my cervix looks great and is stable. The doctors are very pleased with my recovery. The babies are also doing well. They are moving around like crazy and have each gained an ounce since last week, Baby A is 8 ounces and Baby B is 10 ounces. I am still on bedrest and we'll go back to the doctor next Monday. Providing everything still looks great, the doctor may allow me to go out long enough for dinner. Matt and I are really hoping we can go out since next Monday, we will celebrate our first wedding anniversary. Also, I think I may have mentioned in one of my first emails that there was some concern over me losing weight. As of Saturday I had lost 17 pounds since getting pregnant.This is mostly due to the fact that when I sit down to eat I am usually doing good if I eat half of what is on my plate. I'm excited that today, I have ate five small meals. I need the calorie intake for the babies to grow. Hopefully, this will continue to be the norm especially with all the good food coming up for the holidays. We appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers and we hope that y'all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Crystal

One week and counting down...

2008-11-24T14:39:00.001-05:00

til our first anniversary!

Update on the Babies and Me

2008-11-21T22:28:00.000-05:00

I know I usually post baby updates pretty promptly but was a little delayed this time.

We had our appointments Wednesday morning. The babies are doing great. Fluid levels still have not changed but doctors feel that as long as they don't get worse then things will go fine. As I had mentioned on my previous email, there were some concerns about preterm labor. As you progress closer to labor your cervix gets shorter. In a week and a half mine went from 2.6 cm to 1 cm which is definitely not good. In order to keep that from progressing any further the doctors suggested a stitch be put in my cervix to keep it closed. By 11 am I was admitted to Spartanburg Regional and put on various medicines and watched overnight. I was examined the next morning and doctors decided to go ahead with the stitch. The procedure went very well (although once they started they found out I was already dilated one cm) and the doctors are very pleased with it. I was examined this morning and with the stitch in place they were able to lengthen my cervix back to 1.5 cm. Last night was rough with some pain and complications with some medications but after seeing the doctor at 8 am we were back home by 11 am. Our prayer now is that the stitch stays in place and keeps my cervix closed. The doctors are not concerned with the health of the babies since they are doing so well. J.J. now weighs 7 oz and Jordan weighs 9 oz. They are growing so well. With the various obstacles we have had to deal with we (and the doctors) are rather confident that the babies will definitely arrive early. Our milestone will be 32 weeks (the week after Valentine's Day). If the babies can wait til then they have a high chance of surviving with no long term effects of their prematurity.

We are home now and resting. Neither Matt nor I have slept much in the last new days and are looking forward to a slow restful day tomorrow. He has been helped me so much in dealing with all of this and is taking such good care of me. I am on bed rest again with only getting up to to go the restroom, shower, and sitting up to eat. (The blessing is disguise: I won't miss any Duke basketball games on tv. hehe) We are so grateful for your thoughts and prayers. We will return to the doctor next Wednesday morning and they plan to gradually add back some activity for me.

As a side note we got a surprising phone call today when the twin to twin transfusion specialist, Dr. De Lia, called the house to check on me completely unaware of the week's events. Its rare that you hear of a doctor (whom I've never actually seen but only talked to on the phone) calling someone at home just to see how they are doing. After talking for a little while and getting updates, he feels confident that the babies will do just fine and that we'll never have to travel to Milwaukee for treatment. That is definitely a prayer answered!

Thanks again for your concern. We really do appreciate it and we know we are thought about.

Crystal

Doctor Visit

2008-11-10T20:08:00.000-05:00

There isn't a whole lot to report on today's doctor visit. The babies' fluid levels have had very little change. If there was any change it was maybe a tiny bit better but not enough to really note a significant change. My cervix was measured and is slightly shorter than the doctors would for it to bed. It needs to be longer than 2.5 and measured 2.6 today. They'll keep a close eye on it and measure it again at my next appointment which is next Wednesday. If it gets 2.5 or shorter we may have to consider a couple of things to make sure I don't go into any preterm labor. I'll try to get around to post new pictures at some point. They've definitely grown a whole lot.

2008-11-06T14:27:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to let everyone know what Matt and I have decided as far as treatment for now.

We are incredibly grateful for doctors who are willing to communicate and consult with one another. My doctor is Spartanburg (Dr. Laye) and the doctor in Milwaukee (Dr. De Lia) have talked and Dr. Laye agrees that whatever treatment Dr. De Lia prescribes is what we should do since he is the expert on Twin-to-Twin Transfusion. I spoke with Dr. De Lia for quite some time Tuesday morning and he was gracious enough to call Matt's dad as well (he being a doctor, he can understand all this medical stuff much easier). I was very impressed with Dr. De Lia. He tries to do as much as possible to keep patients out of an operating room. His recommendation is that I drink three protein shakes (Ensure) each day and am on bed rest during the day. The protein in the drinks will help with any protein or calorie deficiencies I may have developed while trying to feed myself as well as two little ones. I may not have been consuming enough because of nausea and smaller appetite resulting in my 8 pound weight loss. Increasing protein and calories in my system will help my body to hold protein and as a result hold onto to fluid thus creating more fluid for the babies. Should this treatment not work we still have eight weeks in which the surgery can be done. As far as the bed rest, I don't have to be in bed all the time. Thank goodness! I can get up for small tasks such as fixing myself a sandwich or if i needed to run to the grocery store that would be ok as well. The idea for the bed rest is to keep off of my feet for the majority of the time. Walking burns calories. Add two babies and you burn even more calories. I just need to burn as few as possible. I hope all of this makes sense.

Please continue to pray that this treatment will work. Matt and I appreciate your prayers!

2008-11-03T22:44:00.001-05:00

Here is our latest baby update:

We learned today that our little twins are boys and we are ecstatic. At our last appointment doctors became concerned about the fluid around Baby A and instructed me to drink lots of water and to return in two weeks to check fluid levels again. Today Baby A's fluid was still very low while Baby B had an abundance. The doctor we saw today thinks that I have something called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. This occurs in identical twins when one baby begins to receive less blood/nutrients and the other baby begins to receive too much. If I indeed have this and if it is left untreated, Baby A would stop growing and due to the increased blood Baby B could go into heart failure. There are treatment options that were discussed with us, the main one being surgery done that fuses or cuts off the blood flow between the two babies and hopefully fixes any problems. This treatment method is not widely practiced and is only performed in five medical centers around the United States. The two doctors recommended to us today for treatment are located in Tampa and Milwaukee. My initial reaction was to choose Tampa since it is physically closer but after doing some homework and research my gut has me learning toward the doctor in Milwaukee. The two doctors are very different and handle patients very differently. Dr. De Lia in Milwaukee has some methods for treatment that have been very successful and surgery was never required. That being said please be in prayer for us as we try to make the best decision for our little ones. Hopefully we will have the chance to talk with the doctor in Milwaukee and get his input. A contact at the Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome Foundation told me tonight that really likes to talk to patients in person and keeps very open communication. Hopefully between Matt and I, the wisdom from our parents, and with God's help we will be able to discern the best method of treatment for little J.J. and Jordan Brewer.

Thanks for everyone's prayers.

2008-11-01T00:04:00.002-04:00

Today was a fairly productive day... considering I put up our Christmas tree. I hate halloween so I figure, what better day to put up the tree? I'll put up pictures eventually since I love our tree so much.

Now its midnight, I'm exhausted but the babies won't let me sleep. I just can't get comfortable. Any advice?

And it begins...

2008-10-29T10:31:00.002-04:00

If its possible for it to begin this early, it has -- the nesting. I couldn't sleep last night at all. I think I've had about two hours of sleep. I got up and cleaned out under the bathroom sink and I cleaned out one bookshelf of books. I have a pretty big pile of books for Goodwill, which is saying a lot for someone who holds on to books like there's no tomorrow. I finally tried to lay down again and I think I have my plan set for the day. I'm gonna start in our room -- clean out the closet, then work my way to the extra junk lying around in our room. If I can be happy with the results of the room then I can move on to the next room. This part will be difficult for me. I have a few ADD tendencies and one of the main ones is that I start another task before the first one is completed. I get distracted and start something else. Oh boy. Here we go.

cb

2008-10-27T16:08:00.001-04:00

One week til the next doctor visit. I'm guzzling water. I want coke so bad! Aaaaahhhh!

I'm wondering what do you think they are boys or girls?

Hopefully we find out next Monday!

cb

Another year passes

2008-10-25T10:10:00.003-04:00

Not much is going on in the Brewer household really. On Wednesday, we celebrated my 26th birthday. It was a quiet birthday. I'm not a big fan of a lot of "to do." We did enjoy Waffle House for dinner. I have this thing... tradition... habit... whatever you call it, and my birthday meal is enjoyed at Waffle House. This year marked eight straight years at Waffle House. It was super yummy!

Last night Matt and I attended the athletic banquet at North Greenville. One of his old teammates was inducted into the NGU Athletic Hall of Fame. It was good to see the place, maybe relive a few old memories, and see some old friends. Today we're heading back to NGU since its homecoming weekend. It should be a fun day... food and football and old friends.

2008-10-22T15:46:00.000-04:00

Here is today's update after our appointments this morning.

I am off of bedrest although I still can't do any lifting or anything strenuous. The babies' heartbeats are strong, 165 bpm (baby A) and 152 bpm (baby B). The doctors are concerned that Baby A's amniotic fluid is rather low. This could be a result of the bleeding I have a week and a half ago. Since Baby A sits closer to the placenta he may have been the baby who suffered from the blood loss. Another thing we have to consider is whether the babies have Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. This occurs when there is one placenta that the two babies share. It is possible for one baby to get more nutrients, blood, and fluid than the other baby. The doctor does not think this is the cause of the low fluid because the babies are still growing at similar rates. (Baby A is 3 oz and Baby B is 4 oz) Babies with TTTS tend to have one baby growing exponentially and the other stops growing altogether. I'll go back in two weeks to check fluid levels and probably find out the sex of the babies. In the meantime I am to amp up on my water intake. The more water I drink the more likely they'll have more amniotic fluid.

Over the next two weeks, pray that Baby A's fluid will increase and that I will continue to have no more bleeding. Matt and I are so grateful for your prayers!

You gotta be kidding me.

2008-10-21T14:13:00.001-04:00

2008-10-11T18:16:00.003-04:00

Well... its been a long night and its going to be a long week and a half. As I described in an earlier post, I have placenta previa, meaning my placenta is covering my cervix. This can be relatively dangerous late in pregnancy but when its diagnosed early in pregnancy it tends to resolve itself.

Last night I had some heavy bleeding that resulted in a midnight trip to triage at Spartanburg Regional. Thankfully I had read up during the day yesterday on placenta previa and what can happen so the bleeding didn't disturb me as much as it would have if I hadn't educated myself. An officer stopped us on the way but I think he sensed that Matt was upset and sent us on our way right away. At the hospital they monitored my bleeding which had stopped before we even arrived. I was sent home on bedrest. I go back to the doctor on October 22nd. Until then I'll reside in the lower level of our house. I was instructed to either stay up or stay down and down it is. I'm hoping this time will fly by but I doubt it will.

We listened to the babies' heartbeat at the hospital and they are both healthy with strong heartbeats.

We're thankful that God is protecting our babies and my health. We pray that the pregnancy will continue without any further complications.

Thanks for everyone's concern.

Crystal

2008-10-06T17:28:00.001-04:00

dad went home from the hospital

A small scare

2008-10-06T12:07:00.003-04:00

I can breathe a big sigh of relief.

I went to Hartsville on Saturday because my dad is in the hospital. He went to the emergency room on Friday with chest pains and pelvic pain. He has chronic blood clots and had a stress test today to figure out the chest pains. We'll see how that goes.

When I arrived Saturday I had some small bleeding which is terrifying especially when you've experienced miscarriage in the past. The doctor on call told me to take it easy and go in this morning for an ultrasound.

I don't know if maternal instinct counts for much in the medical world but I was confident my babies were ok. The ultrasound this morning confirmed that the babies are just fine with heart rates of 162 (baby A) and 174 (baby B). We heard their heart beats for the first time today. I have what is called placenta previa which means my placenta is completely covering my cervix. This is likely to move and fix itself in the next few weeks but it will be monitored. The important part is that the babies are ok. Their hearts are healthy and they are moving.

cb

See the resemblence?

2008-10-03T21:37:00.004-04:00

In my last post... with the pictures, I mentioned Strong Bad. Do you see the resemblence?

Promised pictures

2008-10-03T16:25:00.003-04:00

Ok... here are my promised ultrasound pictures. I'll try to explain to you what you can see in them since there are several at different angles this time.

The first two are from the second office I went to on Wednesday. Baby A is laying on his back and is sitting low in my tummy and Baby B is sitting right on top of him. At one point their feet were touching and we could watch them kick one another. It was hilarious.

The next six were taken at Dr. Giep's office.
1. Baby B with Baby A's head off to the right.
2. Baby B looking straight up... hence the crazy looking face. I know he sorta looks like an alien unless you know who Homestar Runner is and in that case he bears an uncanny resemblence to Strongbad.
3. Baby A on the right. You can see his spinal chord and baby B on the left.
4. This one is a little tricky. You can see both heads and then I think body parts overlapped. haha
5. Baby A
6. Baby B

there you go. new pictures next wednesday.

cb

Katie: I have them posted before 5 pm just for you!

Another Doctor Visit

2008-10-01T13:19:00.002-04:00

Matt and I had another doctor visit for an ultrasound. Dr. Giep wanted us to have a nuchal translucency test.

Here is a brief description of the test:

This prenatal test (also called the NT or nuchal fold scan) can help your healthcare practitioner assess your baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities as well as major congenital heart problems.
The NT test uses ultrasound to measure the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of your developing baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average.

Last week the babies were too small for the test. Today at Dr. Giep's office they wouldn't cooperate and lay on their backs. So, Dr. Giep sent me down one floor to Maternal Fetal. They have newer machines and specialize in ultrasounds.

We saw better pictures there. (I'll have to post them later. Matt took them to work.) Well, we saw better pictures but still couldn't do the test. This time we could measure it on Baby B but not Baby A, mainly because B is sitting on top of A. Geez.

We did learn and I'd say that the doctor and techs are about 95% positive that we are having identical twins. That is exciting news except that I'm convinced I won't be able to tell my kids apart. Their heart beats were 162 and 165 beats per minute so they're strong and its always reassuring to hear Dr. Giep say "Things look good."

We'll go back in one week to try the test again.

Pictures later.

cb

2008-09-24T22:33:00.003-04:00

ok so call me super slack but i never got around to the 11 week update... maybe i'll attach it to the end of this post. who knows?

matt and i went to the doctor this morning for our next baby visit. we are happy to report that both babies are doing well. their heart rates are 171 bpm which is good. they are growing. it was so exciting to see them moving around. baby a is more laid back while baby b was kicking and punching and waving. i'll get to go for another ultrasound next week. they had wanted to do a certain test (something routine) but because of the way the babies were laying they couldn't so we'll try again next week.

i don't go back for a complete doctor visit until october 22nd (what a great birthday present for me). oh yeh the big news... to answer everyone's question, my due date is april 17th.

well there you have it. see pictures below.

2008-09-23T11:11:00.002-04:00

pixie can be so weird

10 weeks on Saturday

2008-09-15T12:47:00.002-04:00

I'm a little late updating you on this week's development with the babies.

With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)

2008-09-12T21:50:00.002-04:00

Well, the devil won another battle today. It's important to remember that God has won the war but battles are still being fought.

In an article released today:

Former Contemporary Christian Music singer Ray Boltz -- known for his song "Thank You," as well as "Watch the Lamb," "The Anchor Holds," and "I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb"--divorced his wife last year and has now gone public with the news that he is gay.

Geez.

cb

2008-09-12T17:14:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I've been slack lately and without much inspiration, therefore, I haven't blogged lately.

There are a number of things to note:

I was incredibly proud of my Packers Sunday night. They won and without Brette Favre.
Let me clarify before anyone gets the wrong idea. I think the Packers should have taken Favre back. Come on, you don't treat a Hall of Famer football player like that. He's in the running for being the greatest quarterback of all time. Anyways... they played a good game. Rodgers proved he could play.

Gas is getting ridiculous. Its over $4 a gallon. We can't afford this, especially on one income.

The pregnancy seems to be going normally. My next appointment is about 1 1/2 weeks away. We'll have another ultrasound and get to see the babies. I'll be almost 12 weeks at that point.

Hmmm thats about it for now.

cb

2008-09-07T18:06:00.001-04:00

9 weeks

2008-09-06T21:35:00.003-04:00

Well, here we are week 9:

Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like... well... a baby!

Any advice?

2008-08-31T17:42:00.005-04:00

I know we have a while before our babies will arrive but there is so much to think about that we really have to plan early.

One of the things I've been thinking about lately is, how are Nacho, Oreo, and Pixie going to adjust to having two little human beings in the house? They have been our babies and have received all of our attention and eventually that will all change. They will still be our babies but there will be two babies who are ahead of them on the totem pole.

I think Pixie, who is convinced that the world was created for him, will just ignore them. He may use their soft cribs or seats for an occasional bed, but I think he'll ignore the babies themselves.

Oreo is our gentle giant and I think she'll like the babies. At first, I think she'll be scared but I think she'll be the one who protects.

Now, my real concern is with Nacho who thinks that she deserves everyone's full attention, especially Matt's. She is best friends with whoever gives her attention in the moment. That is, until Matt comes home and then in her eyes, he can do no wrong and he is the best thing since soft dog food.

My proof:

The Unexpected

2008-08-31T16:08:00.002-04:00

Ok so two things happened last night that were unexpected. One was a sad occasion and one was a pleasant suprise.

Unfortunately, Matt's Clemson Tigers lost miserably to the Alabama Crimson Tide. While Alabama is usually a pretty decent team, I think most of the football world still though that Clemson would still get a fairly easy victory. However, this was not the case. I think Clemson's offense forgot to even show up. James Davis and C. J. Spiller should be so embarrased. I mean, they are two of the best running backs in the NCAA today. Together, Spiller and Davis carried for a total of eight yards. Compare this to Alabama who had over 200 rushing yards. Good grief. Clemson had the ball for a total of 18 minutes and 33 seconds. Sad. Sad. Sad.

Now for the unexpected surprise. Duke won their football game. Ok now, I know it was against James Madison which isn't like playing Clemson or Georgia, but a win is a win, especially when you're a school that has only won 17 games in the last 10 years. They have a new coach and I'm hoping they can accomplish some big things this year. I'm realistic but hopeful.

8 weeks today

2008-08-30T10:22:00.003-04:00

Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

Ah. What Bliss!

2008-08-28T21:00:00.003-04:00

I just had a California Dreaming salad. If you read the last entry you know that I've been craving it for at least a week. It was heavenly! Even better, I couldn't eat it all (the thing is huge) so I even have leftovers! Woo Hoo!

The babies are happy. ;-)

Bring It On!

2008-08-28T15:49:00.002-04:00

Alright, so it started yesterday... at about 11 am -- morning sickness. Although the name is deceptive since it can come at any time of the day. Mine seems to come around 11 am and isn't over with until sometime in the afternoon. Coke seems to help and food helps although what I feel like eating changes from day to day. I say bring it on because you hear that the sicker you are, the healthier the pregnancy.

For about a week now I have been craving a California Dreaming salad but we're trying to eat out less.... so the craving has yet to subside.

Right now, all of my free time is filled with me search the internet for info on twins or multiples. Today, I was excited to find the Greenville Moms of Multiples Club. I've also found exactly one pack and play that is made with twin bassinets that fit on top. I've found a nursing pillow for twins. There are loads of resources out there for parents of multiples. The key is utilizing them. Comapnies like Pampers and Huggies offer discounts to parents of multiples.

Well, Matt should be home soon. so bye bye for now.

Big News!

2008-08-24T17:43:00.005-04:00

Well, I said I would write again when I had news. So here we go:

Matt and I were pleasantly shocked at the beginning of August when we learned I was pregnant. We had decided to wait until I found a job to try again but it seems God had other plans and we were excited to learn I was pregnant. Our first pregnancy was conceived with the assistance of fertility drugs so this one is even more special since no drugs were involved. Well, God wasn't done shocking us yet and at our first prenatal appointment on Friday we learned we're having twins! Thats right... not one, but two babies! What in the world?!

As of Saturday, I am seven weeks along. We have five weeks to go before we are out of the first trimester. With that being said, Matt and I appreciate your prayers for our little ones. As of now, it looks like they are identical twins. Oh gosh, I'll never be able to tell my kids apart!

Well, well, well...

2008-08-17T22:07:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry. I don't blog often. I just haven't had anything to write lately. I think of little snippets of things I want to write about and by the time I get to a computer, the thought has left me.

Things have been the same around here as they have for the last several weeks. Matt is working like crazy because he has inventory coming up on Thursday. This time of the year is always stressful and tiring for him.

My mom is still staying with us. Their house hasn't sold and with the contract for the current realtor about to end my dad is trying to discern which realtor to go with next. Its a big decision when your house has been on the market for six months and your wife is living three hours away. Pray that God leads him to the right realtor.

I still do not have a job. Ugh! I know God sees the big picture. I wish He would let me glimpse it. Of course, maybe He has and I wasn't looking for it.

Matt and I were able to go to see Selah in concert this evening with his mom and brother. I haven't been feeling to well so I'm sure to the folks there I looked like I was bored out of my mind. I really did enjoy it.

Well, I think that is enough for now. I really should get to bed. When I have something more exciting to tell you, I promise I'll write more.

cb

2008-07-31T22:45:00.002-04:00

Tonight's entry is a bit different... for me but not for you. I'm writing it with my new tablet pen and loving it.

This thing is awesome.

cb

2008-07-30T22:35:00.002-04:00

Its's now been five weeks sine I lost my job. I've had an interview here and there, even had one that I thought was promising but alas... still no job. Boredom is reaching an all time high.

I've decided today that if I don't get something soon, I'll start volunteering my time somewhere. I need to be productive. Anyone have any ideas for me?

cb

He's so sweet!

2008-07-29T19:18:00.003-04:00

Yesterday my wonderful husband walked in the door carrying a surprise for me... flowers! I love flowers and since I don't get them often, its extra special when I do. I later asked him why... his repsonse: "no reason." Gosh I love him! So to surprise him I am preparing him a special dinner. Menu: Chicken Cordon Bleu, Onion Roasted Potatoes, Steamed Vegetables, Ceasar Salad, and Chocolate Dipped Strawberries for dessert.

He's so wonderful!

Here's a few pictures of my flowers.

Weekend Update

2008-07-23T22:38:00.003-04:00

Last weekend was an important weekend for us. Matt played in the annual Greenville County Amateur, a golf tournament for amateurs in the area. Matt looks forward to this tournament every year since its really the only tournament that he competes in. He didn't play his best this year... we know he's capable of shooting some low scores, but low scores weren't in God's plan this year. Matt may not have played his best but I admire him for learning form the situation. He learned about humility. Matt has a good game. He knows it. I know it. But, that doesn't mean we assume every round will go the way we'd hope.

If you're familiar with golf you're understand the frustration of a triple bogey on a par five. Par fives are the holes you want to birdy. They're your best chance for lowering your score. But, Matt hit some trouble on a par five on his round Saturday. Off the tee box his ball hit a tree and shot backwards 50 yards. So Matt tried to play it into a fairway to the left and hit the green from there. But, the second shot went into the trees and into a hazard. You can imagine his frustration by now. He drops and his third shot.... you guessed it, hit a tree but it was playable. Matt was so aggravated, understandably so. But he maintained his composure, he finished the hole, took his "snowman" and went to the next hole and left that one behind him. He kept a good attitude and kept his cool. Now... let's compare this with one of Matt's competitors. This fella just graduated college and has played competitively for the last few years. Unlike Matt, he reached the green in two shots and had himself putting for eagle. Awesome, right? So he putted, missed. Putted again, missed. Putted again, missed. Putted again, finally. Bogey. His reaction like his performance on that hole leaves a lot to be desired. The young man swung his putter through the air and then ran to the closest tree and smacked it restulting in his putter breaking into two pieces. His actions were imature and irresponsible. Who played the hole better? If you ask me, I'll say Matt. Sure his score was two strokes higher but Matt left the hole with his temper under control, with a good attitude, and he didn't have to putt the next five holes with his wedge. Ha.

Matt's dad was able to make it out to walk and watch Matt's round on Saturday. I'm am so grateful for the relationship the two of them have. They have never had a bad relationship but in recent years they have become a great deal closer and I loved watching Matt's dad giving Matt a thumbs up after a good shot and after those bad shots, he gave him some encouragement and advice on how to best play the hole. I'm grateful that Matt's dad is supportive of Matt and likewise that Matt is willing to listen to what his dad says and understands that his dad has a lot of wisdom to offer.

So last week, we made a purchase. I am the proud owner of a Nikon D40. Since I've been unemployed for the last month (exactly one month tomorrow) I don't feel like I've been using my brain and that it could potentially be turning to mush. So I'm trying to harness my creative energy into my photograhy. It's something I've always loved but I have to learn to make more time for it. When I have some good shots I'll try to post them and you can tell me what you think.

I had an interview today. It went well. I'll post more on it after some prayer and discussion with Matt.

Ohhhh, how could I forget to mention?! Tomorrow is my wonderful husband's 27th birthday! Leave him some birthday wishes.

Alright, I should get ready for bed. I'm sorry if I've bored you but thats all I have to offer for now.

Goodnight.

cb

2008-07-22T22:50:00.003-04:00

I know I know... I haven't been updating like I should. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to sit and blog for a while. But to appease you folks here are a few photos from the weekend of the important men in my life.

True Fans

2008-07-17T23:07:00.003-04:00

I know here lately I've been blogging about things I like... music, celebreties, etc. Well, here we go with another one but this one is higher up the list.... if you know me well, you know what's coming.

On the list of priorities, God is first, followed by Matt, then family (both blood and church), and right behind that is Duke. I almost never miss a game (on tv of course) during baskeball season and as of late I've been trying to watch their football games because lets all face it, they NEED some football fans. I say all of this because one thing is true, Duke fans stick together.

For example, Matt and I are sitting at the light today at 385 and Stone Avenue and someone kept blowing the horn and finally we looked around because it just wouldn't stop. Turns out it was a fellow Duke fan behind us. They saw the Duke stickers and magnet on my car and well they had a Duke license plate so they couldn't help but say hey. This isn't rare for me when I'm driving my Jeep. Once, I was on Woodruff Road and a SUV pulled up beside me and the window slowly rolled down and I thought what the heck... suddenly a blue duke fan came out of the window. Woo hoo! And then once I was getting out of my car back when I lived on Pelham Road another Jeep rode by and the driver rolled down his window enough for me to see his hat and he blew the horn.... yes us Duke fans stick together.

It makes me proud to be a Duke fan, despite what my husband thinks. So, I am proud to be a Duke fan and I will forever be a Duke fan... none of this bandwagon, fairweather fan crap. Either join us for good and find another team. Ha.

Ok I must stop ranting. Goodnight.

cb

Long time coming...

2008-07-17T00:13:00.003-04:00

Alright, I've been meaning to do this forever but just kept getting sidetracked. I've been meaning to blog about an awesome cd that you need to purchase. Now, I may be a little biased because its a good friend that I went to school with at North Greenville but even without the bias... the cd is awesome. Andy Lehman is an artist who I hope and think has what it takes to rise to the top. He's dedicated to what he loves to do and he's freaking awesome too!

Matt and I were able to attend one of his local shows tonight at The Handlebar. Andy.... great job! So, go to itunes and check out Andy Lehman's record Landline. You won't regret it. It is worth every penny. Heck... its worth it just for the song "Winter," my personal favorite. If you go to his website you can see his music video for "Winter."

So, check it out and let me know what you think. I promise... he's awesome!

A First In World History

2008-07-16T11:02:00.003-04:00

Last night, I made world history. I, Crystal Brewer, beat my husband, Matthew Brewer (golfer extraordinaire) at putt-putt. Mom, Matt, and I played two rounds of putt-putt and in the eight years that I have known Matt and in the many rounds of putt-putt we have played, I have NEVER beat him. Granted, I only beat him by one stroke, but I beat him. And Mom was only behind him by one stroke. The second game of putt-putt wasn't as good as the first. Sigh.

2008-07-13T02:02:00.002-04:00

Well... here I am... almost three weeks with no job.

For some of my former co-workers, this probably comes as a good break or a vacation for them. Those who had kids and rarely saw them because we were spending 50+ hours at work are probably enjoying this much-needed break. But, for a newly-married wife with no children, after about the first week, it becomes more taxing than anything else. Let me explain. I was one of those crazy kids in school who enjoyed taking tests and writing papers. I enjoyed algebra and working out chemical equations and physics formulas. School was easy. So I attended the magnet school and finally found some things I really enjoyed like forensic science and photography and hisory... high school is where the obsession with Thomas Jefferson started. Well, since high school, you could say I have this intense need... not a desire, but a need.... to use my brain, to stretch and test it. I need to learn and to use what I learn. My last job at CCM involved me using my problem-solving skills. I might have three pages of info but only two pages to put it on, so you get creative and you find ways to make it fit. Yes it is possible. Well, here I am at three weeks of not using my brain. I have only had two interviews and am starting to question what the heck is wrong with me?! I'm smart. I have skills. (haha I just pictured Napolean Dynamite.. I digress) So, I'm finding myself searching for a new hobby. I love photography but I'll be honest, I don't like 95 degree weather. Yuck. I like to draw but I seem to have lost my creative flair. I'm not inspired so my pencil lies still. I like to write but if you follow my blog, you'll notice I'm not inspired to do that very often. I've always wanted to learn a musical instrument so I'm tossing that idea around. I can play the piano... well sorta. I remember the songs I learned when I took lessons about 20 years ago. I have a guitar and after many, many attempts think its not the instrument for me. My fingers won't stretch that far! However, I am blessed with a husband who is wonderful on the guitar, so my little Austin acoustic still gets played and he can make pretty music on it. Matt suggested I take up fishing. But after discussing that I don't like to touch either the bait or the fish, we decided that probably wasn't a good hobby. I enjoy golf but its more fun with two people. Maybe Matt and I can get around to playing together more often when it cools off. (sidenote: Matt plays in the Greenville County Amateaur this coming weekend. cheer him on!) I like to read and I still do... alot. But I still need something else. UGH! If you have any ideas for hobbies, I'm open to suggestions.

---

We bought Wii Fit and I absolutely love it. Beth, I think you'd like it. Its fun and you really do get a work out. Yoga is freaking hard. It starts you with some basic games in each category: Yoga, Strength, Aerobic, and Balance. The more time you spend using the game, the more games you unlock. Let me just brag on my husband for a second and say that he is awesome at the hula-hoop game. ;-) I'll let you know if it helps me to actually lose weight, providing I eat healthier.

Sigh. Its 2:17 am. I should probably try to sleep again. Pray that I get to sleep soon. I'm finding that I either can't sleep or when I do, I have crazy nightmares. God, what are you trying to tell me?

Goodnight.

cb

About me

2008-07-09T22:50:00.003-04:00

Ok so I've been "tagged" by Beth.

So here goes:

What was I doing ten years ago?
I was 15 and headed into my junior year of high school. Chances are I spent that summer somewhere doing a mission trip or some such thing. Other than that, I don't really remember much more.

What are my favorite snacks?
Hmmm, sour cream and onion potato chips. Milk and cookies. Cheese.

Five things on my "to do" list:
1. Take care of my cobra insurance papers
2. Find a job
3. Work on de-cluttering our house some more (we have so much junk)
4. Grocery shopping.
5. Put away the clean laundry.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Move to Ireland and do missions.
Provide (set aside) for my future children's education
Give Matt expemptions on the PGA tour
Start my own business

Five jobs I've had:
1. Layout Artist
2. Sales Associate at The Home Depot
3. Cashier at Wal-Mart (it was short-lived)
4. Childcare provider (daycare)
5. Tutor

Five Places I have lived:
1. Greenville
2. Tigerville
3. Hartsville
4. Ireland
5. Greer

Five random things people don't know about me:
1. I have a strong aversion to spoons that I have been slowly overcoming. (yes I'm serious)
2. I'm deathly afraid of water (when I can't see the bottom i.e. the ocean)
3. Although I'm not diabetic, I take medicine to regulate my blood sugar (blame it on the PCOS)
4. I still grieve the loss of my grandmother. (every single day)
5. I attended a magnet school and scored really high on the SAT and ACT. (and yet I went to North Greenville.)

Five cds I would take with me to a desserted island:
I have to agree with Beth on this one. Who really listens to just cds anymore? I'd be lost without my IPOD. So, I'll name five artists:
1. The Beatles (a given)
2. Randy Travis (another given.... who by the way has new album coming out next Tuesday. Thats right I've already done the pre-buy thing)
3. Michael Jackson
4. Chris Rice
5. Chris Tomlin

Well there you have it. Don't you feel like you know more about me now? lol

Adios.

1 Peter 2:18-20

2008-07-05T16:27:00.001-04:00

Jesus never promised that our walk with Him would be easy. Actually it is quite the opposite. As we strive to do what is right and live according to Scripture, we are bound to face situations that we had hoped we would never have to deal with. If we respond to hard situations with Godly counsel and words from the Bible, we are bound to face suffering. It is inevitable.

The comfort when this happens is that God will reward us for our perseverance. So... stick with it. Stand strong and stand firm even when folks throw fiery darts at you. Stick with it. Your rewards may not be of this earth but God sees our actions and hears our prayers and praise God, he sees the big picture.

cb

What do I do?

2008-06-28T10:31:00.002-04:00

Ok, its Saturday... my first Saturday enemployed.

Tuesday was my last day at work. I didn't cry or anything. I'm pretty confident I'll keep in touch with those folks.

Dad came Tuesday evening and definitely surprised Mom. He was able to stay until today and spend some time with all of us. Their house really needs to sell soon.

Wednesday and Thursday were awesome. Matt and I went down to Atlanta with our wonderful friends Josh and Karen. We stayed at a great hotel and then ate dinner at Vespucci's. Its a little Italian Pizza and Pasta place just a block from the venue for the concert we were going to. Jonny Lang and Dave Barnes put on a great show. Unfortunately Thursday morning, Josh and Karen had to leave us. Matt and I had lunch at The Varsity which was good. I had never ate there. Similarly, Matt has never ate at The Beacon in Spartanburg so I have to take him there. Anyways, arfter The Varsity we went to The Georgia Aquarium and The World of Coke. Both were really cool. I got a new set of salt & pepper shakers which made me really happy. In case you didn't know, I collect salt & pepper shakers. By the time we left The World of Coke, we had enjoyed the day but were ready to get home. There's such a sweet feeling about heading home after you've been away, if even for a day or two.

So back to the begining of my post. Here I sit on my first unemployed Saturday in a very long time. I'm hoping to be able to use my time wisely and get alot of stuff done around our house. There are still a few boxes sitting around and some clutter that is definitely getting n my nerves.

Alright, I should probably get up and start working.

Ta ta for now.

cb

I don't do this often.

2008-06-23T13:11:00.006-04:00

I'm updating my blog twice within 15 minutes of one another. Woah.

There are a few celebrities out there that will make me do a second take. Matt has a list of women that he thinks are gorgeous so I can have a guy here or there I like right? The different between me and Matt, also the different between most men and women is that men like women (celebrities) just for looks. Women on the other hand like them for other things as well. for example, everyone knows I love to watch Tiger Woods. The man is awesome. Yeh, I think he has the looks but he has the golf game too. He is by far the best golfer in the world and I doubt anyone will be able to suprass him for at least 20 years.
I also could listen to Jonny Lang and Tommy Emmanuel play guitar all day and never get tired of it. Jonny Lang is blond haired and blue eyed with a gruff blues voice and the ability to rock out on the guitar. He's played alongside B.B King. Need I say more? With Tommy Emmanuel, there's just something suave about him and the way he plays. If you ever want to relax just listen to his song Footprints.
And last but not least, my newest obsession... Curtis Stone. Ladies, sit down one day and watch his show Take Home Chef on TLC. You'll like it, there's no way you can't. He's Australian (an accent hehe), has the looks, and can cook.

Here we go.

2008-06-23T12:29:00.002-04:00

Ok so I'm not one to get super emotional often. Tomorrow is my last day so a blog about it is due. I decided to just do lists -- things I will miss and things I won't.

First, things I will miss about working at Cox CustomMedia (in no particular order):
1. My work husband. This may take some explaining. Joe and I affectionately termed one another work spouses. Before anyone gets all suspicious, Matt is completely aware and he and Joe are pretty good buddies. I think the terms actually started cause we "bickered" like a married couple. Anyways, he's a good friend and I'll miss him. Ok I can only be sentimental for a moment. He might think I actually like him. ;-)
2. Brent's dancing. This has provided me with many hours of laughing. If ever you are having a bad day, find Brent and tell him to do a little dance. No two are ever the same but they're always funny.
3. Pizza on Saturdays. Most everyone else at work is going to be glad to get away from the pizza but ever since the pregnancy I can't get enough of it and on Saturdays, it was free and there was always good conversation.
4. Working on an Apple. Usually either you're a PC fan or an Apple fan... one or the other. I'm special and I can say I like both. Each have their faults but I think I'd choose an Apple over a PC. I'd like to have one but their number one fault... they're overpriced so I'll just do without.
5. Wearing jeans to work. Most places of employment don't allow employees to wear jeans to work. I'm praying that my next job allows such but expecting that they won't. My wardrobe consists of jeans, tshirts, and flip flops. Ah.... its so comfortable.
6. Music. A lot of jobs such as retail (I hope I don't have to go back to retail) but such jobs don't allow the luxury of listening to your IPOD on the job. There's a good chance I won't be able to jam to The Beatles or Michael Jackson or whoever my group of the day is at my next job. (Sidenote: today is Dave Barnes day)
7. A really, really short drive to work. Current drive to work, 8 minutes, enough said.
8. And finally, the short jokes. There, I can't believe I said it. I have heard short jokes several times a day for the last three years. Most of the time they were genuinely funny but its one of those situations where "if we didn't make fun of you, you'd be worried." Ah, I'll miss it. By the way, "Your face is stupid."

Ok so those are some of the things I'm going to miss. What am I not going to miss?

1. Office politics. I know, I know, they're everywhere but some places can be extreme. If you worked on the middle row, you'd understand how ridiculous it can get.
2. Pink folders and red tags. No more reading about how the resident of the month has been married, had kids, and walked a mile uphill in the snow to get who knows where. I have learned that everyone, and I mean everyone, has a story; doesn't mean I have to hear all of them though. No more special handling either! While those have been transferred (supposedly to Missouri) for a couple of months, there were stragglers.
3. Over-emotional people. If you know me well at all, you know (like I said earlier) I don't get super emotional often so those people who do, REALLY get on my nerves especially when its over something silly. Rude awakenings are in store.
4. The thermostat: In the winter, its 30 degrees outside and 95 degrees inside the building. In the summer, its 95 degrees outside and 30 degrees inside. Someone should warn the next group of folks who have to work in this crazy building which also lacks clean air.
5. 9 hour days. Most places these days, considering the economy, try to keep overtime to a minimum. But not here... nope 9 hours a day six days a week are a thing of the past now. :-)

Well, I suppose thats enough. I think I could go on and on.

To my wonderful coworkers, cause the building really is full of some really great people, I hope everyone finds the job that fits them perfectly. Enjoy the rest of the week and I'll see you Friday for one last shindig.

cb

I know I know....

2008-06-22T15:56:00.002-04:00

Its been a while since I posted last. It isn't on purpose. I just haven't had much to write about. I have a lot going on right now. This week is going to be great though:

Monday and Tuesday: Last two days at work... for got. I'm not sad to leave the place. I'm sad to lose my job and sad to leave some great folks but Matt and I are confident that God has something better in store for me.
Wednesday: Matt and I are heading to Atlanta with another couple. We love them and its way fun that we got married 3 weeks apart. :-) We're staying at a historic hotel in Atlanta and we're seeing Jonny Lang in concert that night. He is definitely awesome.
Thursday: Since our friends have to leave early that morning, Matt and I are sleeping in and then enjoying the day in the city. We're thinking of touring CNN and maybe visiting the aquarium.
Friday: My first day at home without a job. I'm sure it'll be weird but hopefully I can get some things accomplished that I've been wanting to do.

So, its going to be a great week. If I think of something to write about, I'll come back.

cb

Guilty music pleasures...

2008-06-16T10:24:00.005-04:00

Ok so I'm about to admit something for which I may suffer some backlash, but oh well. So be it.
I have two big guilty music pleasures.

The first one.... well I'm a child of the ’80s and thats my defense. Wait, I don't need a defense, its undeniably good music. The guy may be creepy, sick, and all around a lunatic but I think most people will admit he was a musical genius in his heyday. So I love Michael Jackson music. I mean come on... songs like Thriller, Smooth Criminal, and Billie Jean. They're classics. So I sit here working away with Michael Jackson: Big Ones jamming on the IPOD. Its sad that his life has turned out so twisted and weird!? What was Lisa Marie thinking when she married him?

Ok, guilty music pleasure number two? Its definitely completely different from the first. I'm not so quiet about this one as I have been about the first. Randy Travis. Yep, good ole country boy Randy Travis. I remember sitting in front of the tv when I was little and thinking he was the best thing in the world. Ok so I probably still sit in front of the tv and think he's the best thing (not in the world but good). I love his music and call me crazy but I even like his crappy acting. Oh boy.

Ok I've done it. I've admitted two guilty music pleasures for the whole world to see. Oh well.

cb

I Told You So

2008-06-15T17:18:00.003-04:00

I think I have the best husband in the world. Granted, I'm sure I'm a little biased but thats my opinion. I take any chance I can get to brag on my husband. I love to praise him for the awesome way he serves as the spiritual leader in our family. He takes the authority given to him by God, as husband and eventually as a father, very seriously. He does a wonderful job discerning what is best for our family, not by this world's standards but by God's standards and for that I am so blessed. Now I'm not putting Matt up on a pedestal, I'm just praising him for doing a good job.

Like I said I'm biased so when someone else tells me this I just wanna scream "I told you so!" and jump for joy because God has blessed me with such an amazing Godly man for a husband. I was sitting in church this morning and Jenny looks over at me and says "You have the sweetest husband in the world," and I thought, "Mmmm hmmm, I know." Thats what I thought but I asked her, "What makes you say that?" You have to understand that Jenny is dealing with a LOT of family issues and is a strong woman for dealing with it but is having a tough time. Last week while at church she broke down in tears. She sat there and told me about how Matt looked over and said "Jenny, its going to be ok." She said it wasn't the words necessarily that made the difference but it was the tone of voice and the way she said it. She knew he was sincere. At lot of times when we deal with tough situations, people try to comfort us by saying everything is going to be ok, but sometimes they don't believe it anymore than we do in that moment. So it meant something to Jenny that someone reached out to her and was able to comfort her and when all was said and done, she believed those words, "Jenny, its going to be ok."

With that being said, I told you so!

Disclaimer: I am not saying Matt is perfect. Matt is human and I know he has flaws. I don't look past them, but I do focus on the amazing qualities he have that totally outweigh his flaws. He knows he makes mistakes and when he does he learns from them and that makes him a better man.

cb

Doesn't have much to offer...

2008-06-12T23:56:00.003-04:00

This evening... or should I say late evening.... I was perusing some of the millions of blogs out there and found one guy's recent entry about his joy in moving back to his hometown and then he proceeded to list ten or so fun things he loved doing while growing up there. So I pondered... what does Hartsville have to offer?

1. Kalmia Gardens is nice but only if you are a nature-loving, trail walking type.
2. The South Carolina Cotton Trail makes its way through the city. Hartsville does have a good bit of history to it so if you're a history lover... you could occupy yourself for a couple of hours. I do have to admit that I enjoy this part of Hartsville. I always loved when the cotton fields were full and I'd pretend it was really a fresh blanket of snow.
3. Mr. B's has the best Southern food by far. Matt and I always enjoy eating there when we go home to visit. There macaroni and cheese and flat biscuits are well worth the money.
4. Ok so I'm starting to run out of things to mention so I'm gonna stretch and mention the Darlington Raceway. I know its in Darlington but really the two towns are only a few miles apart and since I did attend high school in Darlington its allowed on the list.
5. Alright... I give up. I tried and I only came up with four things. Therefore... as my title says, Hartsville doesn't have much to offer.

cb

2008-06-11T21:47:00.004-04:00

I love thunderstorms. Some of my best memories as a child include laying across the bed in the front bedroom at my grandparents' house. My cousin, Joseph, and I would lay there and watch the lightning strikes out across the cotton field that was across from their house.

To this day, lightning still amazes me. How is something that is so beautiful... so dangerous? How can someone see the wonders of nature and deny the existence of an all-powerfull God?

I know someone sitting out there reading this is thinking "lightning can be destructive." You are correct. We must remember that God is a God of love but also a God of wrath and justice. He wants no one to perish but hopes that all of us will turn and follow Him. But, for those who don't, they will have to face the God of wrath and justice.

I was reading C.H. Spurgeon this morning and loved this:

I love Thee, Lord, but with no love of mine,

For I have none to give;

I love Thee, Lord; but all the love is THine,

For by Thy love I live.

I am as nothing, and rejoice to be

Emptied, and lost, and swallowed up in Thee.

This is bad.

2008-06-10T22:46:00.001-04:00

The narcotic cough syrup has lost its effects. Awesome... (please note sarcasm here)

cb

Some Men are Observant

2008-06-09T18:58:00.002-04:00

We as women sometimes like to joke about how oblivious some men are.... jokes like "they wouldn't notice [insert word] if it slapped them in the face." sidenote: these jokes are probably not very encouraging and we as women should be careful to never disrespect the men in our lives. well anyways, sometimes they don't notice things right away. On Thursday night, Matt and Keith played a little Playstation football. My hat is off to Keith who was incredibly observant on that night. Conversation that night:

Keith: Are you ok?
Me: I think so.
Keith: You look like you're getting sick. Do you feel ok?
Me: Well I haven't slept well, I don't know.
Keith: You just don't look like you feel good.

Keith is the winner.

Friday morning sore throat. By lunchtime, coughing, sneezing, and all together don't feel good. Saturday, feeling worse. Sunday, slept til 2 pm and then back in bed at 9 pm. Monday, nauseaus. So finally a trip to the doctor. Diagnosis: really bad sinus infection with lots of draining (that explains the nausea) and a bad ear infection. ugh. As a result, all I want to do is sleep, sleep, and sleep some more.

Sorry I have nothing exciting to share just that I'm sick. Yuck.

cb

Call me crazy

2008-06-07T09:55:00.002-04:00

I thought sleep might be the best medicine (thanks to Joe) but here's the tricky part...... GETTING TO SLEEP! So I tossed and I turned and I tossed and I turned some more. When I did fall asleep I believe I woke up every 30 minutes so crazy as it sounds, its my day off and I got up at 7 am. I don't even get up that early to go to work. Good grief!? I think I'm gonna go get ready and head to Wal-Mart for grocery shopping and buy the best thing the pharmacy offers for sinus infections.

cb

Ugh...

2008-06-06T12:37:00.004-04:00

I am officially getting sick. I didn't feel my best last night but I was ok. I woke up, however, with the worst sore throat. By 10 am, I was queesy, likely from my sinuses draining. After lunch the coughing started and now at 12:38 pm, I have a pounding headache. Let's hear it for sinus infections. Woo Hoo!

On a different subject: Let's hear it for my husband who bought me a new phone! :-) cb

Reminiscing

2008-06-05T15:20:00.002-04:00

Today has been one of those days where I have caught myself daydreaming. I tend to daydream a lot, especially when my mind is getting tired.

Today I have missed Ireland. For those of you who maybe read this and don't know I traveled to Ireland in the summer of 2003 and lived there from early June until the beginning of August. I think to date, it has been the best summer of my life. It had hard times. I got homesick and I dealt with spiritual warfare and living across the ocean from the place you call home, where the folks you love are... well it can be hard. But the experience was amazing.

Everyone should get to enjoy Ireland at least once in their lives. I was there two months and still didn't see it all. It has the most beautiful landscapes and sunsets that take your breath away. I sometimes joke that God created the rest of the world and saw that it was good and then decided to show off and He created Ireland. You'll often hear people comment "It's so green," and until you visit there you'll never really appreciate the truth behind that statement. Take the deepest green you've ever seen and multiply it by ten and maybe you'll get close. I remember when I arrived I was amazed at how sincere the people were. Now don't think that I mean before I went I thought they were an unsincere people. That is not the case. But, consider how often you run into someone and they ask "How are you?" and your answer most likely is "I'm good and you?" In Ireland try asking that question and you're likely to get the truth. You may hear about what ails them and not in a "woe is me" tone but a "you asked so i'll tell you" kind of tone. They mean what they say and they say what they mean. If they offer something to you, you take it... a cup of tea, a piece of chocolate. You take it because you know to refuse would just be rude. This can sometimes be difficult when you visit several people in one day and they all offer you tea or coffee. Next thing you know you're bouncing off the walls.

Here and there across the countryside, houses with thatched roofs do still exist. There are castle ruins strewn across the entire island, each with its own interesting story and each one more fascinating than the next. I often say that Dublin was my favorite part of living in Ireland. I lived with a wonderfully sweet lady named Florence in Tallaght. To get to Dublin I just walked to the corner and caught the bus. Thirty minutes later I was in a large city full of history. While Dublin is very historical and very fascinating, sadly, it is also very commercialized and aimed at tourists. Dang Americans. So now five years later, maybe I think staying in Donegal was my favorite. I lived with an American couple in a small town that still speaks Gaelic. You walk to town to get your groceries. You walk to the bank and the post office. On the way there, you're bound to pass someone returning from the market and you always speak. I remember the first time I was walking to the store and ran into a neighbor from down the street and I remembered enough Gaelic to say "How are you? I'm doing well. Thanks." I was so proud of myself and it felt so good to know watching video after video of the Irish language had paid off. And they appreciate that folks from outside the country have bothered to learn any of their very hard language.

Another favorite experience was working with kids at Drewstown House. The kids I worked with were so starved for attention and love. They were so excited that someone wanted to spend a week with them. That week was amazing. There were canoe rides and one very huge slip-n-slide made out of black plastic, dish washing detergent, and cold water. There were nightly devotions with stories and singing. A friend from here traveled with me when I went and that week were in charge of ten little girls. We had to be firm and make them listen. We had fun playing and goofing off which they enjoyed but when it came to go to sleep or time to quieten down... they couldn't stand us. (Kids are the same no matter where you go.) We left Drewstown house early on Saturday morning before the campers were awake. You can imagine the surprise when we were about to leave and there on the bottom of the stairs sat ten little girls who wanted to see us off.

I'm sorry if I'm boring you with all of this. I suppose I figure if I reminisce about it maybe I won't miss it as much. I should probably consider that it may have quite the opposite effect and I'll miss it even more.

I'll end this long rambling post with a plea. Something else I learned while in Ireland is that they are people starving for the truth. By the truth, I mean to hear about the forgiveness our heaven father offers. St. Patrick was passionate about Christianity reaching Ireland and he did amazing work. There are signs of his ministry around the country but there are also many signs of the ancient druids and some of the other religions which have led the people astray. They are a people in need of a Savior. There are some strong churches but they are few and far between. There is one large one in Dublin where we were able to worship and I also taught basketball (I'll save that for another post) at a church plant started by the first. So my plea, pray for the people of Ireland. Pray for the missionaries who are sacrificing to serve there. Pray that the Irish Christians will reach out to their fellow countrymen. And as always, pray for continued peace between Ireland and Northern Ireland.

slan (goodbye in Gaelic)

cb

Quick Update

2008-06-04T21:17:00.002-04:00

Well, I had a quick checkup today and everything is ok after the miscarriage which is a relief. I wans't concerned but its nice to hear good things.

Im spending a lot of time thinking about a new job. I know God will provide the right job at the right time but my humanness worries about finding a job. I sent my resume to a business today where I have a contact. Let's say some prayers. Maybe this is the one?

cb

Some Positive News

2008-06-04T13:03:00.001-04:00

Check out this news story. It'll make you smile.

cb

Finally!

2008-06-03T10:25:00.001-04:00

A job interview at 4 pm! woo hoo its at least a step in the right direction.

i'll let you know how it goes.

cb

Lots to Write About

2008-06-02T08:45:00.007-04:00

Ok first let me mention: If you tried to email my dad from the link in my post in the last few days it probably didn't work. Thanks to Joe, he informed me it didn't work and I have corrected it. It should have read jeric244@bellsouth.net .

I had a pretty good weekend in Hartsville. I was able to eat lunch with Melissa who has been my best friend since probably the second or third grade. Its always good to catch up with an old friend.

Dad has now raised $9,000 and his total is still rising. I have to say it again. He is so cool!

Coming back on Sunday was interesting. We came up on this little Focus wagon and across the back it read "Just Married." I of course thought how cute, and thought back to Matt and I leaving for our honeymoon. When we passed we saw it was an older couple probably in their 70s! How cute! They've found love this late in life and they get to enjoy the rest of their years with someone they love.

After we got onto I-26 mom's car started to act a little funny and eventually I had to pull over and it cut off. While we were home, someone replaced her fuel filter so I figured it had come loose or something. Being the Do-It-Yourself girl that I am, I got the car up on the jack and looked under. Yeh... I got it on the jack but didn't know what else to do from there. haha Well, while we sat waiting on Matt to pick us up, (we were 80 miles from Greenville) a very nice gentleman stopped and looked under the car and he just happened to be headed to Spartanburg. We got the car cranked and it seemed to run ok so he followed us as far as 385 and then Matt met us and followed us the rest of the way home. God took care of us.

I finally got some sleep. I had struggled to get any sleep while we were gone but I slept wonderfully in our bed. By the way, my most wonderful husband had flowers waiting for me when I got home!

cb

Happy Anniversary!

2008-06-01T12:28:00.001-04:00

Today is six months since mine and Matt's wedding day. It some ways it seems forever ago and in some ways seems like only yesterday. One thing for sure.... I have the best husband out there. Sorry ladies. ;-)

cb

So Proud

2008-05-31T16:47:00.003-04:00

Ok... I need to brag right now. Dad presented his big check to the Children's Miracle Network today. We had all been speculating about the amount we thought he raised but no one was sure how much it would be. Well.... I am excited to say he just presented a check for $8,990! How cool is he?! To put that in perspective for you, a few minutes before his presentation, Costco of Myrtle Beach presented their check. Costco does millions of dollars of sale every year. This one store raised a little over $6,000 and my dad, through his hard work and efforts raised almost $9,000! Woo Hoo! I can't wait to post pictures! I'm sure my video won't come out great but I tried to record the video of his presentation with my digital camera.

Anyways, leave some comments or if you want to email my dad and tell him just how cool you think he is too, jeric244@bellsouth.net.

cb

Long Day

2008-05-30T22:01:00.002-04:00

Well it was a long day...longer for those that rode their bikes for 40 miles though. Things went smoothly. Dad did great! There was no way I could have rode a bike that far and towards the end they were supposed to take one route and the cop changed the route at the last minute and the folks on bikes had to go up this big hill; yay they made it! Then Dad was introduced to the crowd of people there and they presented him with a "Champion Medal" for all the work he's done. I am so proud of him. I'll post pictures once I get home and can get them on my computer.

This is my first trip away from Matt since we've been married and I don't like it. I like sleeping next to him and I like waking up next to him. I don't like sleeping three hours away.

cb

There isn't much I miss....

2008-05-29T23:02:00.002-04:00

There really isn't much I miss about Hartsville. Its where I grew up and its small.... really small when compared to Greenville. I remember when I first moved to Greenville I was absolutely amazed by how large everything was and thought it was ridiculous that to get anywhere in Greenville you always got on the interstate. In Hartsville you could be from one side of town to the next in 10 minutes and that was during busy traffic and catching all the red lights. Heck... the closest interstate is at last 20 minutes away. But as my mom and I were driving in tonight I remembered something I do miss. I could see the stars... hundreds of them. From our house in Greenville (only five minutes from downtown) you can see about 10 stars. I'm not kidding. You never see enough to make you say "it sure is a pretty night." But riding in I looked out the window and the sky was so dark and unpolluted by orange city lights and in every direction I could see beautiful twinkling stars. You folks in Greenville are missing out.

Well, tomorrow is dad's fund-raising bike ride. I hope to post some pictures when we get back to Greenville on Sunday. Let's pray for plenty of sunshine and lots of strength for dad.

Will write soon.

cb

Reflections

2008-05-29T13:10:00.002-04:00

Over the last week, I've had many questions and I've pondered the why's and the what ifs about my pregnancy. I understand that my miscarriage was decided at the moment of conception. When a baby is conceived, 13 chromosomes come from the dad and 13 from the mom. Miscarriages occur when there are too many or not enough chromosomes. God designed our bodies to realize that something is not right with the pregnancy and our body ends the pregnancy. With that being said, it still doesn't make the grieving process any easier. What does help? Well... Keith, being the wonderful pastor that he is, came over to talk and encourage us last Friday. It was good to just talk through some things. I had decided in my heart years ago that Scripture says that a baby receives its soul at the moment of conception but I needed to ask Keith this question to have it affirmed for me. Keith agreed and led me to some scriptures I hadn't read before.

Any good Biblical scholar will tell you that the Old Testament foreshadows what will happen in the New Testament. I'll give you an example so that you don't get lost. In the New Testament, Christ died that so His lost children could be saved and would reach Heaven. In the Old Testament the Israelites were lost and God led them to the Promised Land (a physical place). So, read Deuteronomy 1:39 "And as for your little ones, who you said would become a prey, and your children, who today have no knowledge of good and evil, they shall go in there. And to them I will give it[the promised land], and they shall possess it." So if you understand the relationship between the Old and New Testaments you will make the connection that the "little ones who have no knowledge of good and evil" (which means they are not aware of their sins) will enter into Heaven. Take this one step further and look at what it means for Matt and I. It means our little tiny baby, who by nature was sinful but unaware of any sin, is today in heaven. Its a comforting thought. Now I know this will bring up the question of "at what age is one aware of their sin?" and that has to be considered on a case by case basis. One has to be able to put the head and heart knowledge together. You can realize a need for a Savior but until you realize how bad sin really is you can't really appreciate the free gift of salvation. Oh boy, I'm on a soapbox I never intended to step on.

Back to my original reason for my entry. Sorry I'm rambling.

I've been looking to scripture for some verses that lift my spirit and I've found great strength this week in Psalm 103.

The God of the Bible, the God of Psalm 103 is the God who

vs. 3 forgives and heals
vs 4 redeems and crowns
vs. 5 satisfies
vs. 8 is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love
vs. 13 shows compassion

and we can read in verses 11 and 12 "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as fast as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us."

vs. 1 "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name."

The God of the Bible is a good God, He is faithful and wishes that not one of His children would perish. Do you know Him?

comments welcome.

cb

Need Sleep.....

2008-05-28T11:00:00.002-04:00

Last night I laid down, read a little out of my Thomas Jefferson book, then read a few pages out of the Psalms, turned on Robin Mark on my ipod and drifted off to sleep. I fell asleep so easily and it felt so good.... but it didn't last long. Matt came to bed a few hours later and for the rest of the night, I tossed, I turned, I laid there staring at darkness. Sure I have a lot on my mind but I was pretty relaxed and can't figure out why I couldn't sleep. So the alarm went off at 7:45 and I think that was about the time my body decided to doze off to sleep. UGH! I went and had my bloodwork done. Lets pray that my hcg levels have dropped so that I don't have to keep going back once a week to have blood drawn.

Now, I'm gonna try to lay down and get some rest. Maybe an animal or two will cuddle up next to me and I will be able to sleep.

Goodnight.

State of the Economy

2008-05-27T12:36:00.002-04:00

So, I had a moment. Maybe you have these kinds of moments where you've been expecting or possibly dreading something and then suddenly you have a "moment" because you realize it is quickly approaching and well.... there is nothing you can do about it. So, I'm sitting at work and since there isn't much to be done around here, I found myself staring at the calendar. Next thing you know, I'm counting. Counting today, there are exactly 20 days left at my current job. Do I have a new job up? No. Do I have any prospects? Not really. What am I going to do? You probably know as much as I do.

Unfortunately, me and all my coworkers find ourselves looking for jobs in one of the worst times to be looking. Unemployment rates are high but no one is hiring because everyone is hurting over the price of gas and loads of other commodities that are being effected by the price of gas as well. (i.e. in my previous post I mentioned my love for milk. Did you know that milk at Bi-Lo is almost $2 more per gallon than at Wal-Mart? I know Wal-Mart can buy in bigger bulk and thus not have to charge as much but good grief a $2 difference?!) So, anyways, we find ourselves looking for jobs in a time when the economy stinks. A few people here and there have found jobs. I'm glad they are but I need one too! I mean I'm even looking for things that I know I'm way-over qualified for. I'm not trying to sound conceited. I just know I worked hard for a Bachelors degree, I'd like to use it.

Hmmmm.... mental block. I'll write more later.

Back to the Grind

2008-05-26T21:00:00.003-04:00

Well, after a break from working.... I have to go back tomorrow. Sigh. I can't complain though since I have Friday off and that means another long weekend. We're all looking forward to Dad completing his much-anticipated bike ride. He'll leave the Applebee's in Hartsville on Friday at 1:00 pm and ride 40 miles to McLeod Regional Hospital in Florence. He's been working and training hard and it will be so much fun to see him complete something for which he's worked so hard.

A couple of days ago, Beth tagged me. While I'm not positive, I think it means I'm supposed to blog about the ten things I love most about my husband, so here we go in no particular order.

1. Matt strives to be and enjoys being the spiritual leader in our home. He is an amazing leader and someone from whom I can always ask advice knowing I'll get a Godly response.
2. Matt has a great moral ethic. He works hard and takes pride in his work, always trying to please those in charge and manage to keep the customer happy.
3. I absolutely love watching Matt lead worship on Sunday mornings at church. He spends time on Saturday evenings preparing so that we sing the songs the Holy Spirit impresses on his heart. Worship is always a wonderful experience and he gets to lead us before the throne of God.
4. You may or may not know that I think milk is the greatest beverage in the world. I love it when, without ever asking, Matt brings me a tall cold glass of milk. It tells me that he pays attention to the little things and I love that.
5. When Matt and I are facing a difficult situation or have to make important situations, I love it when he looks at me and says "Crystal lets pray."
6. I love that Matt takes pride in his appearance and if you know Matt well, in the way he smells. I love that I know "his smell." One of our couples devotion books asks if you think you could pick out your spouse by smell if you were blindfolded. I love that with no doubts at all, I know I could pick him out by smell. I love it when I go to bed and I can snuggle against him or his pillow and smell him. Something about it just makes me feel safe and lets me know he is near.
7. I love that Matt has passion. He has dreams and is passionate about his golf game. He wants to play professionaly and whether he ever reaches that dream or not, I admire him for having a dream and working to pursue it.
8. I love that even when Matt and I have had some really... really rough times in the last eight years, Matt has been steadfast and strong and always been a constant.
9. I love to watch Matt when his "fellas" come over to play ball on the playstation. They are so funny together and they have so much fun like kids.
10. I love that Matt is a Godly man. I know that I've said I admire him for being the spiritual leader in our home, but I also love that outside of our home, in every realm of life, Matt strives to be a Godly man.

Well, there ya go.

2008-05-23T14:24:00.003-04:00

For reasons unknown to us here on this earth, God decided our little one would be better off with Him. He allowed us the joy of the thought of becoming parents and we pray He will bless us again with that joy someday. In the meantime, we grieve over one who we were rather attached to though we never saw it or heard its little heart beat. We appreciate your prayers.

cb