Blessings...

I've had a post I've been meaning to write for some time. After some recent encouragement I know it is time to take up the pen... or in this case... get back to typing.

I last wrote almost two months ago sharing our good news that Matt and I are pregnant. As of Monday I will be 17 weeks and all is going well. The doctors are very pleased with my progress and are expecting a normal pregnancy. Of course this pregnancy has caused me to reminisce about the boys. Its only natural and I have a lot of thoughts I need to write but one is at the forefront of my mind... the one I have been meaning to post for quite some time.

If you listen to Christian radio at all I'm sure you've heard Laura Story's newest number one single, Blessings. The first time I heard that song, God spoke to me and I knew while Laura may have written it about her trials, God was using it to speak to me.

If you've ever suffered the death of a child you know the awkward moment when someone asks "How many children do you have?" or "Is this your first pregnancy?" and in a few brief moments you have to decide how to answer it. I always find my self evaluating the person. I consider if I'll ever meet the person again or if the person seems compassionate. Either way I usually tell them its not my first and I have children who are just not on this earth anymore. I can't bear saying, "This is our first" knowing I have two sweet boys and two other babies in Heaven with the Father. Sometimes people know what to say and other times the situation only gets more awkward.

But, the thing that bothers me the most is when I tell someone about the boys and their immediate response is "I'm sorry." I'm not. Sure, I miss my boys. There are days when I cry and grieve and that's the way it'll be for the rest of my earthly life. But am I sorry? No. I have babies who are already in the presence of the Heavenly Father. They are enjoying His presence and that is far more than I could have given them. Matt and I love them and miss them but I'm not sorry. They were two of the biggest blessings in our lives. I will never forget holding those tiny babies and looking at God's creation. The weeks that followed were the hardest in our lives and the blessing in it all is that God used those precious babies and their short lives to make mine and Matt's marriage stronger than I could have ever imagined. I remembered reading that the death of a child either tears spouses apart or solidifies their marriage. I am so grateful that for us it was the latter. God used our babies to build our trust in one another and in God. We had moments of anger and frustration but ultimately God taught us that our children are safe with Him.

I look forward to telling Baby Brewer about J.J. and Jordan and how God used them in our family's lives.

Back to the song I mentioned earlier... there is one line that I think we should all think about when facing trials. We must look at the bigger picture.

"What if the trials of this life are your blessings in disguise?"

The death of our sweet boys was definitely life's toughest trial (thus far) but was most definitely a blessing in disguise.

- cb

Big news....

I've been meaning to update but have been sidetracked here lately. Matt and I were able to announce some big news a couple of weeks ago. We found out in April that I am pregnant! As of yesterday I am 9 weeks pregnant. We've had three ultrasounds so far and everything is looking great. So far, this pregnancy has been very different from the others. I stay pretty sick most of the time. I'm not throwing up but I have that horrible nauseous feeling most of the day. My hormones are also pretty out of control. My doctor seems to think that most of this will even out after the first trimester. Let's hope so. I go back to the doctor on June 9th and will have another ultrasound and will be scheduled for a cerclage. I'll keep you updated. We appreciate your prayers! :-)

A day in the life

Me: Thank you for calling today. My name is Crystal. May I have your name please?
Customer: Derrick
Me: How are you today, Derrick?
Customer: I'm hungover but ok. You?
Me: **chuckling** I'm ok. Sounds like you had a good time last night.
Customer: I always have a good time. I'm a legend....well I am in my head if no one else's.
Me: ok. What can I help you with today?
Customer: I need to change my address. I moved to Las Vegas.
Me: wow. That's a big move. Sounds fun.
Customer: you know the saying "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"?
Me: yeh
Customer: it isn't true. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas except for herpes.....that goes home with you.

Seriously what was I supposed to say after that? I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Location:Brookfield Pkwy,Greenville,United States

Getting back in the swing of things....

I really need to keep up with my blog. I've been making some changes and I'm really excited about them.

I'm enrolling as a student at Greenville Tech and I'm really looking forward to entering the surgical technology program at tech. If everything goes according to their schedule I'll be done with the program in 15 months.

A couple of days someone came across my blog and the previous post was a great encouragement to them. They left a nice comment and it reminded me that God has provided me with the tools and abilities to write (which is therapy for me) and in the process hopefully brighten someone else's day. So I'm making a goal for myself to start back to writing by writing at least one entry per month and then becoming more frequent. It's all about discipline. You can hold me accountable if you'd like. If you notice I haven't posted in several days leave me a comment.

I have a list of topics I'm hoping to cover here and slowly we'll get to them all.

I have another request of you (if you're in the Greenville area).

Mine and Matt's schedules make it hard to get up and to church on Sunday mornings. Is anyone aware of any afternoon Sunday services in the area?


Looking forward to writing more often,
cb

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Provence St,Greenville,United States

Such an inspiration.....

If you're looking for something to lift your spirits or maybe are feeling down today... I strongly recommend you visit the link I'm about to share and check out this woman's story! She's a living testimony that God performs miracles and thank God she gives him the glory! You can also visit her blog and read about her progress and more of her testimony. CNN doesn't doesn't include anything really related to her faith but she's certainly open about it on her website. Her story gives me chills. We serve an awesome God!

Publish Post

Its been way too long...

Its been more than a year since my last post. I moved briefly to wordpress but the relationship just didn't work out. Ha. So I've come back home. I couldn't leave my old blog.. its too comfortable like pajamas and a too big t-shirt. It feels good. So here I am back to write for whoever chooses to read.

I thought about maybe trying to catch you up on what has transpired since last June but in all honesty there hasn't been much to report. I now work in customer service in the wireless industry. Matt is still with Wal-Mart. The church plant that we were a part of for a few years dissolved. God's providence is always perfect and leading up to that Matt and I had felt God leading us to a church closer to home (completely unaware of the elders' decision to dissolve the fellowship). We prayed and the morning we were prepared to let the elders know we'd be leaving and Matt would not lead worship anymore was the exact morning they announced that the fellowship would dissolve. Matt and I sat with jaws dropped. We should never be surprised that our God's timing is perfect but we were. We have since found a church home in Greenville at Grace Church and couldn't be happier.

December 1st came and Matt and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. We celebrated with Olive Garden and Harry Potter. It was a great evening. We had a vase at our wedding where our friends could drop notes. We read the notes on our first anniversary and have continued the tradition of reading them each year.

Here comes the hard part.... December is a hard month for both Matt and myself. Our anniversary is a joyous occasion but it is also a very hard month. This month would have been our boys, J.J. and Jordan's second birthday. This year has been harder than the last. I remember learning in classes in college that after a loss of this magnitude the first two years are spent numb to what is going on around and that around two years is when reality sets in and we truly began to heal. I'm leaning this is true. Dealing with the loss of a child is something I wish no one would have to experience but it happens. I praise God and am grateful that He gave me peace in the weeks following their death. I pray that He will give me that peace again as their birthday draws near.

Each year on their birthday Matt and I have committed to take receiving blankets to the hospital to go into the grief closet. Its a closet in the NICU for babies who pass away. The hospital does not furnish the supplies in the closet. It is furnished solely by donations. My prayer would be that the blankets never have to be used but the grim reality is that those we took last year are long gone. I know from experience that something as simple as a blanket can become a treasured keepsake and I am glad we have chosen to remember our boys in this way. If you would like to donate please leave me a comment and I'll get in touch with you.

Thanks for reading.

Geez

It has been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time since I've blogged. Oops. I guess it just got away from me and I didn't really realize how long it had been.

Let's see what my update should say:

I don't really remember much about March. In April Matt and I went to Destin, Florida with family for a week. It was so much fun and definitely the break we needed from all the "stuff" we've dealt with over the last year and a half. It was good to see family that we don't normally get to see that often and to see them for more than one day. Usually its just Christmas day which is never enough time to catch up.

We came back from Destin with a vacation baby. Yep, I came back pregnant. We found out because I also came back from Destin super sick. Turns out I needed my gallbladder removed. I went for my pre-op appointment and they called to let me know my surgery was canceled because I was pregnant. (Note: this was on April 17th, the same day J.J. and Jordan were due) I had been so nervous about how I'd feel on April 17th but the Lord blessed us with another baby that day and it became a very bittersweet day. Sadly on April 30th, I miscarried. We still trust that God has a plan for our family and we grieved the lost but trust that He is soverign.

Miscarrying allowed me to have my gallbladder out on May 11th. I was nervous going into surgery but it turned out to the be the easiest surgery I have had. I had surgery on Monday and by Thursday I felt "back to normal."

Once I was better from surgery, my job search continued. I applied at so many places and yet was getting so few phone calls. It was hard during that time to trust God's plan because I knew my unemployment was quickly running out.

God is gracious and about a week and a half ago a good friend from college called to tell me about a lady at his church who needed to fill a spot in the office at her pest control company and needed to fill it quickly. Long story short: my unemployment ran out on Sunday, June 21st, and I started my new job at Carolina Pest Control on Monday, June 22nd. God is sneaky huh?

I am loving my new job and the folks I work with. One other lady and I are responsible for the scheduling and billing and lots of other "stuff." It keeps us busy. :-) Thanks so much for those of you who were praying for my employment issues. God showed He had a plan in His perfect timing.

Matt is still working his weird hours and this is making it difficult to see one another but we'll get that worked out somehow.

Church is going well. Matt does such a great job leading music and we love our family there so much!

We are looking forward to July 4th. Each year we spend it up in the mountains with friends from North Greenville.

Mom and dad's house still hasn't sold so keep praying.

I suppose that is all for now. I'll try to get back in the habit.

Later.